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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the rate of school
children
Use synonyms
 learning to play musical tools in the duration 2005, 2010, and 2015. It is clear from the form that most
children
Use synonyms
 preferred to play guitar and
piano
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, a small figure learned how to play
violin
Correct article usage
the violin
show examples
 and drums.
According to
Linking Words
 what is depicted, in 2005, there was not a big difference in the numbers. Obviously, Around 10% of
children
Use synonyms
 learned how to play
Use synonyms
piano
Change the article
the piano
show examples
,
also
Linking Words
 about 5% of
children
Use synonyms
 were educated
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to play
drums
Change the article
the drums
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the highest number of
children
Use synonyms
 learning violin was registered in 2005. Clearly, in 2010, most
children
Use synonyms
 learned
piano
Use synonyms
, they were 20%.
In addition
Linking Words
, nearly 5% were playing drums. The proportion of
children
Use synonyms
 who learned how to utilize violin had a little decreasing, it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 7%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2015, the percentages flew to the peak.
For instance
Linking Words
, the rate of
children
Use synonyms
 playing guitar became 40%. There was an immense
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 in the number of
children
Use synonyms
 playing
piano
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, piano with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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