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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #products #development
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In recent decades,
Advertisement
Replace the word
the advertising
show examples
 industry has experienced various developments. One of these developments is that businesses tend to create
advertisements
show
Fix the infinitive
to show
show examples
 their
products
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 innovative. There are several reasons for
this
 trend, which will be discussed in
this
 essay. As a matter of fact, companies should focus on selling their
products
.
This
 can be done by producing
advertisements
 aimed at
people
's
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
. Generally,
people
 are interested in creative
products
 because these kinds of items satisfy their sense of curiosity.
Therefore
, manufacturers display the creativity that lies in their
products
 using advertising.
Additionally
, startups seek enhancement for their brand image by showcasing novelty in
advertisements
.
For example
, a few years ago, Apple company introduced face recognition technology for its new smartphone, iPhone X, and
this
 cutting-edge technology grabbed the attention of millions of
people
 around the world, increasing the number of
sells
Correct your spelling
sales
show examples
 for iPhone X.
This
 trend is a positive development
due to
 the fact that the business market is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fierce competition. Consumers benefit the most as the producers should offer original items to remain in
this
 competitive market.
Moreover
, companies are
also
 expected to use versatility in their
products
 to convince Customers
purchase
Add the particle
to purchase
show examples
 them. In conclusion, The new trend of showing a product's innovation in
advertisements
 targets
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
's interests, persuading them
buy
Add the particle
to buy
show examples
 the product.
However
, the competition between companies to make better
products
 is beneficial for customers.
Submitted by ava.saljoughi on

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grammar
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement. For example, 'businesses tend to create advertisements that show their products being innovative.'
clarity
You may want to expand on how showcasing creativity and innovation directly relates to business success. Adding more examples or evidence would make the argument more robust.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear, singular focus and flows logically from one to the next. Make sure transitions between ideas are smooth.
content
You’ve effectively identified and explained why businesses emphasize innovation in their advertisements. Good use of examples like Apple’s face recognition technology.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for your essay.
task response
You’ve correctly identified the trend as a positive development and supported this view effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
What to do next:
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