IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Crime is a problem all over the world and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#crime #world
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In the olden days, crimes used to be less happened and
people
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 could travel from one place to another without any hesitations. Many
people
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 argue that
crime
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 is a major issue all over the globe and it cannot be stopped,
while
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 others believe that it can be stopped if enforcement some rules and regulations on society . I completely disagree with the given statement, that
crime
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 cannot be stopped,
this
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 essay will discuss how it can be prevented. Certainly, there are many ways to stop
crime
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 on the earth. The main important step is to educate the
people
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, so they can concentrate on their studies and after finishing their studies, the government should offer employment to them.
For example
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, if the population is busy with their tasks, they will not get extra time to perform these nasty activities. Another reason is public awareness, the Government should motivate society about the outcomes of
crime
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, so
people
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 will not engage in it.
In addition
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, to employ more
police
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 force and security staff, they can take action before a major
crime
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 happens.
For instance
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, in Sydney, many
police
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 stations are set up and there is an employment of extra
police
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 staff and they respond on time and minimise the casualties.
For instance
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, recently with the help of these forces, a huge loss was prevented in the mall. Another reason is to install security devices in crowded places, so
people
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 know they will be caught by the
police
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. In conclusion, following the analysis of the above topic
it is clear that
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 the Government and its residents can prevent crimes if correct information is provided to each other and preventive actions can be taken on time.
However
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, the States must provide employment and educate everyone to raise their awareness about
crime
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.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain a clear and consistent argument throughout the essay. At times, the argument seems slightly repetitive, such as mentioning education and employment twice.
task achievement
Support your points with more specific examples. Although you provided some examples, they could be elaborated more thoroughly to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting your stance effectively.
task achievement
You managed to cover multiple aspects of how crime can be prevented, showing a well-rounded argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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