IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #people #experimentation #animals #discoveries #experiments #alternatives
In the industry of manufacturing, especially on a product
that is
 targeted
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
 human bodies, it is a very well-known practice to conduct research before the products enter the market. Since a human is a living thing, and
to do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
experiments on it
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 off-limits, most research would go to the closest of its kind, which is an animal.
However
, these practices are going to be taken off the grid since most people believe that it is unlawful and inhumane.
While
 it might be beneficial to the industry, the effect is horrendous to the population of animals. The very common species prone to be an object of research is a mouse, especially the white mouse since it is known to have a close relation genetically to a human being.
As a result
, the population of white mice declined as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time passed, and
therefore
 the need to ban practices on animals is pushed to be a worldly law. The experimentation on living things can and should not be justified at all for many reasons.
First,
there are no exact guarantees that the result will react the same as to people.
Secondly
, as mentioned beforehand, a declining population of certain animals can be expected in years to come. We should maintain the balance of all living entities in
this
 world to keep our ecosystem running
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
well. Several alternatives are already in use and more are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
planned with the growth of industrial technology. Organic approaches are
also
 to be considered with the example of using fruits. In skincare industries,
for example
, many use oranges to show the coverage of a foundation. These actions should be pursued
further
while
 considering the ups and downs of any implementation possible.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a relevant response to the prompt and discusses both the justification for animal experimentation and possible alternatives. However, the ideas could be further developed with more specific examples and detailed arguments to achieve a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clear and logical structure to your essay. While the introduction and conclusion are present, the body paragraphs need better internal cohesion. Each idea should be elaborated more clearly, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea, supported by evidence or detailed reasoning. This will help maintain the reader’s comprehension throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your essay clearly presents both sides of the argument and transitions into discussing alternatives, which shows a good understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and ties back to the main arguments presented in the essay.
task achievement
The essay attempts to provide a balance between discussing the negatives of animal experimentation and the possible alternatives, demonstrating a well-rounded consideration of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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