There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

Nowadays, parents want their teenage children to succeed in academic subjects, and pay less attention to the non-academic specialities.
Due to
this
fact,
people
believe that cookery and
sports
,
for example
, should be removed from the school timetable. On the one hand, the whole educational system today highlights the importance of the academy and related subjects. Our society is starving for bright brains,
invetions
Correct your spelling
inventions
they could make, and the progress they
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
in all areas of science. And
people
want to fit everybody to
this
target.
On the other hand
, not every person
suits
Wrong verb form
is suited
show examples
to be a scientist or to gain any profession that
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
high studying.
The society
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
still needs
people
with
profiency
Correct your spelling
proficiency
in cooking,
sports
, gardening etc. We want to cover all social needs within our country, and they are not only academic ones. From my point of view, it is better to become an
exellent
Correct your spelling
excellent
chef, than a routine scientist. It won't
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
to
required
Add an article
the required
a required
show examples
result, the person wouldn't be excited with the job, and may not do it
as well as
desired
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, I can't entirely agree with
this
, because I think that
sports
activities are significantly important in our lives. Even if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical education is not the subject to provide the youth with workplace, I really like the
sports
breaks during my studies, these lessons were
such
a rest for my brain working hard.
Also
, I have met different
people
, and who of them that work in the field they choose, because they are interested in, these
people
are happier than those, who choose the academy because of the prestige.
Submitted by valerie.kabishcher on

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coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical and lexical errors to enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your arguments.
task achievement
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task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and relevant to the topic.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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