There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, parents want their teenage children to succeed in academic subjects, and pay less attention to the non-academic specialities.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
fact,
people
Use synonyms
believe that cookery and
sports
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, should be removed from the school timetable. On the one hand, the whole educational system today highlights the importance of the academy and related subjects. Our society is starving for bright brains,
invetions
Correct your spelling
inventions
they could make, and the progress they
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
in all areas of science. And
people
Use synonyms
want to fit everybody to
this
Linking Words
target.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, not every person
suits
Wrong verb form
is suited
show examples
to be a scientist or to gain any profession that
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
high studying.
The society
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
still needs
people
Use synonyms
with
profiency
Correct your spelling
proficiency
in cooking,
sports
Use synonyms
, gardening etc. We want to cover all social needs within our country, and they are not only academic ones. From my point of view, it is better to become an
exellent
Correct your spelling
excellent
chef, than a routine scientist. It won't
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
to
required
Add an article
the required
a required
show examples
result, the person wouldn't be excited with the job, and may not do it
as well as
Linking Words
desired
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, I can't entirely agree with
this
Linking Words
, because I think that
sports
Use synonyms
activities are significantly important in our lives. Even if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical education is not the subject to provide the youth with workplace, I really like the
sports
Use synonyms
breaks during my studies, these lessons were
such
Linking Words
a rest for my brain working hard.
Also
Linking Words
, I have met different
people
Use synonyms
, and who of them that work in the field they choose, because they are interested in, these
people
Use synonyms
are happier than those, who choose the academy because of the prestige.
Submitted by valerie.kabishcher on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your points are logically developed with appropriate examples.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or scenarios to support your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical and lexical errors to enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your arguments.
task achievement
You address the task effectively and provide a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: