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Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
#information #numbers #participants #activities #center #melbourne #australia #period
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This
Linking Words
 graph provides key information about the number of
participants
Use synonyms
 across different activities between the years 2000-2020. in the social centre in the city of Melbourne, Australia.
Overall
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, the graph shows some activities, like Film club, Martial arts, Amateur dramatics, Table tennis, and Musical performances. And it is obvious to the naked eye that the Film club are expected to remain dominant.
In other words
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, there is no activity that has more
participants
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 than the Film club.
Nevertheless
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, we can see in the year 2010, a huge increase in Table tennis
participants
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, which jumped from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fourth
place
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second
place
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 in just 5 years.
In addition
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, the
last
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place
Use synonyms
 in the graph, which is Musical performances had an upper-level score to go from the
last
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 stage to the fourth
place
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.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, in the same year we can see a dramatic decrease in Amateur dramatics
participants
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, which transferred from third
place
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 to
last
Linking Words
place
Use synonyms
 in the year 2020.
Submitted by sdam7843 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, place with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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