IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

some people think that children should follow their parents' advice, however, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The influence of the
parents
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' advice on
children
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's
decisions
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 is a topic that evokes diverse opinions. Some people contend that taking guidance from the
parents
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 is advantageous
while
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 others oppose
this
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 opinion. I think
children
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 should be allowed to make
decisions
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, but they need guidance and support from their
parents
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 to follow the directions favourable to them. Supporters of juveniles taking suggestions from their
parents
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 say that parental advice helps
children
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 make better
decisions
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 and choose the right direction through the value of experience
parents
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 bring. They contend that the
parents
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 have a keen understanding and a good knowledge of the world, which can assist
children
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 in making informed
decisions
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 about their education, health, and interests leading to saving time and money and resulting in better outcomes among
children
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.
Conversely
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, some people support the opinion of
children
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 making their
decisions
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 without parental interference as it fosters critical thinking and the essential skills, needed for adult life. They assert that becoming independent and responsible at an early age ultimately, leads to greater personal satisfaction, among
children
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. Even, if, the
children
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 make mistakes or fail, they will be able to gain experiences and learn from their mistakes.
Therefore
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, allowing
children
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 to make their own
decisions
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 potentially makes the
children
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 innovative and unconventional.
While
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 I respect the value of
parents
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 suggesting or recommending their
children
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, I lean more towards the
children
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's making their
decisions
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 themselves which will not only make them self-reliant but
also
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 good for their holistic development. To illustrate, by making their own
decisions
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children
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 will be able to define and address the problem
as well as
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 find the solutions, broadening their knowledge on various aspects. In conclusion, helping
children
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 with their
decisions
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 can bring favourable outcomes and prevent
children
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 from making mistakes ;
however
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, advising
children
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 on every step is likely to make them reliant on their
parents
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 and confused about their needs.

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and relatable for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs to further enhance the logical flow of your essay.
general
Work on reducing minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to improve readability.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for discussing both viewpoints and your own opinion.
conclusion
You have provided a clear conclusion that summarizes your stance while acknowledging the other perspective.
main points
Your main points are well-supported with logical arguments, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • generation gap
  • authoritative
  • nurturing
  • autonomy
  • independence
  • life experience
  • peer pressure
  • values and morals
  • guidance
  • mentor
  • perspective
  • decision-making skills
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