2/ Some people say that young people should be encouraged to leave home when they become adults while others claim it is better if they remain with their family. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
People
argue that,
Remove the comma
apply
younger
generation should be advised to leave their Add an article
the younger
parents
home when Change noun form
parent's
parents'
the
become Correct your spelling
they
an adults
. Correct the article-noun agreement
adults
an adult
While
other
believe , the best option for an adult is to stay with their family . in Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
essay
I am going to discuss both views and which side I think Add a comma
essay,
it
is more suitable for Correct pronoun usage
apply
teenager
to start his adulthood Add an article
a teenager
the teenager
life
.
In our modern time , people
says
, society Change the verb form
say
are tend
to let their kids when they turn 18 to leave the house , Change the verb form
tends
specially
to pursue their Replace the word
especially
life
education career . they encourage them to go to university or to signed
for a job for different reasons. Change the form of the verb
sign
such
as ,
making them independent Remove the comma
apply
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
.
Correct your spelling
Moreover
moreover
, they can start their own life
on their own terms without the
family interference .Correct article usage
apply
hence
it will give them a lots
of experience and make them grow . Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
for example
, I gains
a lot of knowledge in different Wrong verb form
gained
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
in
Change preposition
of
life
from the solo university life
experience when I studied abroad. It certainly shaped who I am now And made me more responsible .
On the other hand
, people
suggest that ,
staying with your family during your adult Remove the comma
apply
life
had
Wrong verb form
has
a lots
of benefits, they believe it can help the individual to stay stable financially and emotionally . the lack of family and Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
relative
present can be difficult sometimes . Fix the agreement mistake
relatives
specially
in Replace the word
especially
Add an article
a situation
the situation
situation
when their Fix the agreement mistake
situations
attend
is essential Replace the word
attendance
.
Correct your spelling
such
such
as , in sickness or if they are financially struggling . for instance
, I still remember how my father struggled when he was working outside his home city during Coved lock down
Correct your spelling
lockdown
while
he was away for working
Wrong verb form
work
reason
.
In conclusion , I strongly believe that Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
,
Remove the comma
apply
people
should leave the house in
Change preposition
at
certain
age . it would allow them to live the Correct article usage
a certain
life
they want and makes
them mature .Correct subject-verb agreement
make
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the structure of your essay by creating clear paragraphs for each point or argument. Use topic sentences to introduce them.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay stays on topic and addresses both views comprehensively. This will improve your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Use connectors and transition words more effectively to link ideas and paragraphs together. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and relevant examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Be careful with your grammar and sentence structure as there are several errors that affect the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
You consistently provided examples to support your main points, making the essay more relatable and easier to understand.
coherence cohesion
You included an introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your discussion.