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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. What could be the reasons behind this? What measures can be taken to resolve this problem?

#quality #life #cities #measures
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In
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
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 modern era, the trend of living in
cities
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 and towns
in
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is
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 decreasing day by day. Individuals are
prefering
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preferring
 to cite in rural or
quite
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quiet
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 areas which are closer to nature.
Where as
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Whereas
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, if we look at the trend of 5 years earlier, it was
completly
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completely
 opposite,
people
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 were migrating from rural areas to urban areas to follow the fast and modern lifestyle. But now the tables
has
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have
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 turned and
people
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 are not
prefering
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preferring
 the same choice. The main reason is the quality of
life
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. In
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cities
Add a comma
cities,
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 the lifestyle is very
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
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 and
people
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 do not have
time
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 even for their families. Their eating habits in
cities
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 are not great because they are always busy
in
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with
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 their work. They mostly eat junk or fast food which directly impacts their health.
Secondly
Linking Words
, their sleep cycle is
also
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 very bad. They wake up so early and still go to bed by 12-1 AM, leading to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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sleep
deprived
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deprivation
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. It
puts
Verb problem
has
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 a
vey
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very
 negative effect on their body and they get
harmonal
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hormonal
 issues.
Thirdly
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, because of so many industries, companies and the use of vehicles, there is a lot of pollution in
cities
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 which leads to major health issues.
People
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 are always on their phones, laptops and computers which leads to bad posture and
they
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the
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 rays from these devices negatively
impacts
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impact
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 on eyes and brain as well. Because of
such
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 prevailing reasons,
people
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 are shifting from city
life
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 as they are not getting the quality of
life
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 they want. In order to solve
this
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 issue, individuals need to take some
neccessary
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necessary
 steps like making a
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time table
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timetable
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 and following that strictly. if they are waking up early
then
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 they should go to bed early as well so that they get
atleast
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at least
 7-8 hours of sleep.
Secondly
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, they should give
time
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 to their loved ones so that their mind can have some relaxation and they feel better that they have someone by their side.
Thirdly
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, the working hours should be fixed and
instead
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 of going to clubs or bars on weekends, they should go to spend
time
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with
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in
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 nature with their family or friends. They should go
for
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apply
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camping or for
picnic
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a picnic
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 at least once a month to feel a little lighter.
Moreover
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, they should prefer using public transport
instead
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 of using their own vehicles to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pollution and the factories
as well as
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 industries should manage the amount of pollution they are causing. Following
such
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 rules, the quality of
life
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 can be improved again in
cities
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. Government should
also
Linking Words
 take
Correct article usage
the neccessary
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neccessary
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necessary
 steps to solve
this
Linking Words
 as well.
Submitted by sharngadhra53 on

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task achievement
Overall, you have addressed the task effectively by discussing the reasons behind the decreasing quality of life in large cities and suggesting measures to resolve the problem. However, there are areas that need improvement. You should work on providing more detailed explanations and examples to support your ideas. For instance, instead of making general statements about the negative effects of city life, you might give specific examples to make your points clearer.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is generally well-structured, there are some issues with coherence and cohesion. Work on ensuring each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. For example, you might want to use more linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments. Additionally, each paragraph should have a clear central idea that ties back to your overall argument.
overall writing quality
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout your essay that detract from the overall readability. Focusing on your grammar and sentence structure will improve clarity. Remember to use proper punctuation and to avoid run-on sentences. Additionally, you may want to vary your sentence structure more to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
You have shown the ability to discuss complex ideas and have a good understanding of the topic. The comparison between past and present trends is a strong start to your essay.
task achievement
The essay covers both aspects of the prompt, providing reasons for the decreasing quality of life in cities as well as measures to address it.
coherence and cohesion
You provided a general structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons and solutions, and a conclusion. This shows a good attempt at organizing your ideas logically.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • sustainable development
  • public transportation
  • green spaces
  • affordable housing
  • air quality
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • pollution control
What to do next:
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