Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #time #people’s #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibilities

For each

person

Add a comma

person,

show examples

the preferences relating to

life

viewpoints

differentiates

Correct subject-verb agreement

differentiate

show examples

. Some people argue that teenage

years

are the happiest during people’s

life

while

others consider that

adultnes

Correct your spelling

adulthood

is a more entertaining period,despite its huge burden. On the one hand,with the feeling of

fulfillment

Add a comma

fulfillment,

show examples

they can

also

independently move and make some paramount decisions.Adult's

life

has been full of challenges that they overcame during their maturing

years

For example

,hard

working

Replace the word

work

show examples

for many

years

can create an opportunity to travel all over the world and give them a feeling of joy during vacation.

Moreover

,the chances of being

highered

Correct your spelling

higher

in their working sphere can motivate them to reach better results in

further

.From my perspective,

while

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

initiating some plans and putting an effort to achieve them can give a sense of pursuing their dream career.

On the other hand

,children’s lives are more careless,

due to

not being concerned about creating conditions for living or paying taxes.

Also

,each trivial achievement brings

Remove the article

apply

show examples

happiness and the feeling of doing something huge.

For instance

,winning some

olympics

Change the capitalization

Olympics

show examples

can create a sense of accomplishment and prompt.

Consequently

,in their early

years

Add a comma

years,

show examples

they explore some new things,play outside or make some new friendships.It is my belief,that at that time they do not have an experience of

life

and an not realize what real happiness can be.

To sum up

,there are definite activities and feelings in each period of

life

Change preposition

Over

show examples

the

years

people

get

Verb problem

have

show examples

prospered and

make

Wrong verb form

made

show examples

their aims come true,

due to

acquiring wider opportunities and

self consciousness

Add a hyphen

self-consciousness

show examples

Submitted by inessanazaryan1 on Sun Sep 15 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on structuring your essay more logically. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and that the ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Using appropriate linking words can help with this.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present, but their effectiveness can be improved. Ensure your introduction clearly outlines both viewpoints and your conclusion summarizes the main points while clearly stating your opinion.

task achievement

Develop your main points further and support them with more specific examples. Ensure that all aspects of the task are addressed equally to create a balanced discussion.

task achievement

Avoid using ambiguous phrases or unclear ideas. Re-read your sentences to ensure that they express your thoughts clearly and comprehensively.

task achievement

Your essay addresses both viewpoints of the task, which is an essential aspect of the task response criterion.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your overall perspective, which is a good practice.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

238 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Some people think that newspaper are the best way to learn about the news. However, others believe that they can learn the news more effectively through other media. Discuss both these news and give your own opinion.