Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
For each
person
the preferences relating to Add a comma
person,
life
viewpoints differentiates
.
Some people argue that teenage Correct subject-verb agreement
differentiate
years
are the happiest during people’s life
,while
others consider that adultnes
is a more entertaining period,despite its huge burden.
On the one hand,with the feeling of Correct your spelling
adulthood
fulfillment
they can Add a comma
fulfillment,
also
independently move and make some paramount decisions.Adult's life
has been full of challenges that they overcame during their maturing years
.For example
,hard working
for many Replace the word
work
years
can create an opportunity to travel all over the world and give them a feeling of joy during vacation.Moreover
,the chances of being highered
in their working sphere can motivate them to reach better results in Correct your spelling
higher
further
.From my perspective,while
initiating some plans and putting an effort to achieve them can give a sense of pursuing their dream career.
Correct word choice
apply
On the other hand
,children’s lives are more careless,due to
not being concerned about creating conditions for living or paying taxes.Also
,each trivial achievement brings a
happiness and the feeling of doing something huge.Remove the article
apply
For instance
,winning some olympics
can create a sense of accomplishment and prompt.Change the capitalization
Olympics
Consequently
,in their early years
they explore some new things,play outside or make some new friendships.It is my belief,that at that time they do not have an experience of Add a comma
years,
life
and an not realize what real happiness can be.
To sum up
,there are definite activities and feelings in each period of life
.By
the Change preposition
Over
years
people get
prospered and Verb problem
have
make
their aims come true,Wrong verb form
made
due to
acquiring wider opportunities and self consciousness
.Add a hyphen
self-consciousness
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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and that the ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Using appropriate linking words can help with this.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but their effectiveness can be improved. Ensure your introduction clearly outlines both viewpoints and your conclusion summarizes the main points while clearly stating your opinion.
task achievement
Develop your main points further and support them with more specific examples. Ensure that all aspects of the task are addressed equally to create a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Avoid using ambiguous phrases or unclear ideas. Re-read your sentences to ensure that they express your thoughts clearly and comprehensively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints of the task, which is an essential aspect of the task response criterion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your overall perspective, which is a good practice.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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