some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays technology has advanced across the globe, new gadgets are innovated yearly. Everyone including if they learn to spend
children
, has at least one of these devices
with them such
as smartphone
. In Add an article
a smartphone
the
modern life Correct article usage
apply
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
thing
including education and Correct your spelling
everything
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
are
done Correct subject-verb agreement
is
by
the help of these Change preposition
with
devices
. however
, a number of them spend hour
on Fix the agreement mistake
hours
smartphones
for entertainment. I believe alongside the few advantages in
Change preposition
of
smartphones
the drawbackes
are more.
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
To begin
with, the main disadvantage is that spending hours on smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
whould
harm Correct your spelling
would
children
's eyes. Their body are
still weak Change the verb form
is
due to
the harmful effects of radiation from the device. For instance
, my 10 year old
brother used to spend hours on video Add a hyphen
10-year-old
gaims
on Correct your spelling
games
the
Change the word
his
smartphone
untill
I Correct your spelling
until
relised
from his actions that he Correct your spelling
realised
can
not see very clearly. The doctor said that the Wrong verb form
could
divice
had harmed his eyes permanently and he Correct your spelling
device
also
said if he was older the damage would have been less. Now my brother is always getting bolied
and he can not read comfortably The side Correct your spelling
bullied
boiled
effect
that Correct subject-verb agreement
effects
this
new Change the determiner
these
devices
have on children
are seriouse
because it will affect their education life.
On the Correct your spelling
serious
seriously
ather
hand, spending a lot of time on the cellphone could be addictive. Correct your spelling
other
children
usually get attcahed
to things Correct your spelling
attached
fastly so
,Rephrase
quickly
Rephrase
so
majority
of their days on Add an article
the majority
a majority
smartphone
they will get addicted to them. Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
For example
, my little cousine
Sam, is always on Correct your spelling
cousin
cousins
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
whatching
movies whenever I see him and Correct your spelling
watching
sadelly
he could not complete grade three because he could Correct your spelling
sadly
think
about in class was, when to get back home and watch Rephrase
not think
rest
of the series. Correct article usage
the rest
As a result
, Sam faile
all the subjects at school because, of his lack of Correct your spelling
failed
focusing
with the Replace the word
focus
teacher
in the classes. Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
This
example it
shows the importance of teaching Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
how to use smartphones
.
To conclude
, smartphones
has
a lot of harmful impacts on Change the verb form
have
the
kids in Correct article usage
apply
diffrent
fields Correct your spelling
different
such
as education and health. Modern devices
also
, make our children
diss conected
to society. When they spend a lot of time with their Correct your spelling
connected
smartphones
they will forget how to communicate with pepeol
and make friends. I believe the best way to prevent that kind of Correct your spelling
people
problems
parents should control their Change the noun form
problem
children
in
the time that they spend with phones and they should explain Change preposition
apply
for
them what kind of Change preposition
to
harms
it will cause them.Fix the agreement mistake
harm
Submitted by hadisbereihi657 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay does address the task, but the arguments are not fully developed or clearly structured. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details are cohesive and relevant to the argument. Also, divide the essay into clear paragraphs for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving paragraph structure and transitions to enhance the logical flow of ideas. Each main point should be clearly presented and supported with relevant examples. Better organization can help in achieving a higher score in coherence and cohesion.
overall
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and word choice. Try to minimize spelling errors and improve the overall readability of the essay. Regular practice and review can help in reducing such errors.
task achievement
The essay provides specific examples, which helps to illustrate the points being made. This is especially effective in making the argument more relatable and easier to understand.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and provides a clear stance on the issue. This helps in giving the essay a strong ending and reinforces the writer's perspective.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!