Write about the following topic: There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

Although
education is the soul of everything we do, non-academic
subjects
are important too.As we live in a competitive world, kids need to perform exceptionally well in their
domain
Fix the agreement mistake
domains
show examples
. Many people believe that extra-curricular
activities
should be removed, so I totally disagree with
this
statement. Some people worry that
due to
non-academic
subjects
, their kids are unable to concentrate on the major
subjects
. They believe it gives more stress to young people as it is used for nothing. But
according to
me, different
students
have different specialities. There are some
students
who played as a professional player in sports
activities
,
while
some take cookery seriously as their dream career. If the government excludes extra-curricular
activities
from educational institutes, many
students
will face loss in terms of future professions. Non-academic education is the pious part of life. Physical
activities
play a vital role in physical health and keep
students
motivated. Parents are worried because they are examining
this
from a future perspective.
However
non-academic
activities
motivate
students
to face challenges in life.
Students
might have to use their non-academic
subjects
in case of emergency.
For Example
; if we train
students
to cook food, they will use
this
training in real life too. Learning cooking attributes a plethora of ideas and mental relaxation,
while
academic topics not only bring stress but an unhealthy lifestyle as well.
To conclude
, I would recommend having both academic and non-academic in proper proportion. Our world needs different talents from dissimilar fields to run the world. As small crowds contradict the idea of after-school activity, it is a marvellous idea to keep learning balanced.
Submitted by mubassirakolia78 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, such as mentioning studies or anecdotes about students benefiting from non-academic subjects.
coherence cohesion
Ensure ideas flow smoothly between paragraphs. Sometimes the transitions could be more fluid to enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive take on the topic, emphasizing the diverse skills and future career paths linked to non-academic subjects.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are well structured, clearly presenting your stance on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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