IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries it is illegal to refuse people applying for jobs because of their age. Is it a positive or a negative development, in your opinion?

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It is becoming increasingly common in some countries to offer jobs for a larger range of
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
. In my view,
this
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 should be perceived as a positive trend for two main reasons.
Firstly
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, by not refusing people applying for
work
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due to
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 their
age
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, it significantly promotes equal opportunity and combats
age
Use synonyms
 discrimination. In fact, there are numerous opportunities for entry-level, limiting candidates' ages to those who are below 25 years old.
As a result
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, some of those who
age
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 above the requirement had fewer options in the
work
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 environments.
Therefore
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, governments have to be strict to ensure that hiring employment is based on merit and qualification rather than
age
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, as it can encourage diverse
work
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 environments which can lead to valuable respect and more innovative solutions.
Secondly
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, it enables worker candidates, especially older individuals to continue contributing their valuable experience and skills.
This
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 good opportunity can help them to enhance
their
Change the pronoun
the
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 quality of their life, expanding their productive life.
On the other hand
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, as older employees more and more spending their time
to
Change the verb form
working
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work
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, they may lack information about new technological innovations, so it is the best idea to combine their capabilities with the younger generation, allowing them to gain their
work
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 qualifications.
Thus
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, in turn, it can increase the
overall
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 employment rate in the companies. In conclusion, creating employment opportunities
with
Change preposition
for
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 various range of
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 is actually a wise decision, not only it can
combats
Wrong verb form
combat
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 discrimination, but
also
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 enables employees to gain their
work
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 qualifications and skills.

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language
In your essay, it's essential to use precise vocabulary. For instance, 'in certain countries, it is illegal to discriminate against younger or older applicants based on their age.' Maintaining clarity in such phrases improves overall comprehension.
content
You need to elaborate on your examples and provide more specific details or studies to back your arguments. This adds depth to your points.
structure
Consider adding smooth transitions between paragraphs or points. Phrases such as 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' or 'Conversely,' can help improve the flow of the essay.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction that sets the stage for the discussion and a conclusion that neatly summarizes the main points.
content
You've done a good job at addressing the prompt and providing reasons to support your opinion, demonstrating a strong understanding of the task.
content
Your essay promotes equal opportunity and acknowledges the value of diverse work environments, which enriches your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • equal opportunities
  • diverse work environment
  • innovative solutions
  • valuable experience
  • employment rate
  • merit-based hiring
  • qualifications
  • inclusivity
  • respect
  • age groups
  • adapt to new technologies
  • training and support
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