One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages?
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
the
Correct article usage
apply
midical
Correct your spelling
medical
care
shows an improvement over last
Correct article usage
the last
years
. Some Correct quantifier usage
few years
people
think that this
is a positive development , this
essay will highlight the benefits of the improvement of the healthcare.
Correct word choice
and this
Firstly
, medical care
has become more useful than it was before
30 years ago, to Change preposition
apply
to
explain that , doctors are now able to make patients feel comfortable about themselves with new medicines and treatments, Remove the redundancy
apply
for example
, treatments for cancer or heart disease that before was not possible to treat patients, in addition
to that , people
become more aware of their risks, to illustrate, surgery has become useful and most of the siccessful
to the patients, Correct your spelling
successful
for example
, knee injuries in the past was so difficult to handle and in sports if some player had a knee injury he will never play sports again, so it improved so much and nowdays
most of Correct the word
nowadays
injuries
are treated.
Add an article
the injuries
On the other hand
, medical care
has some disadvantages that can make treatment difficult for elderly and unwelthy
Correct your spelling
unwealthy
unhealthy
people
, in other words
, some of
Change preposition
apply
hospitals
have more expensive treatments that some Add an article
the hospitals
people
can't afford and and
Remove the redundancy
apply
this kind
of things
Can make the economy Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
deacrese
faster. Correct your spelling
decrease
For example
, in my country there different
levels Add a missing verb
are different
with
Change preposition
of
hospitals
, there is
public Change the verb form
are
hospitals
that can provide medical services to everyone and there are private hospitals
that provide medical care
to the people
who have insurance or welthey
.
In conclusion , there are some disadvantages considering how difficult the situation is. Correct your spelling
welfare
How ever
medical treatment had more advantages over Correct your spelling
However
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
especially
with the new technology.Add the comma(s)
, especially
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task achievement
Make sure to fully address all aspects of the prompts. For example, your essay focuses more on the benefits but does not fully address whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. For instance, make sure that your introduction states your overall position clearly and that each body paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting details.
task achievement
Improve clarity and comprehensiveness by eliminating grammatical errors and refining sentence structure. This will make your ideas more understandable and compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure seamless transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Using linking words and phrases can help with this. For example, transitioning from advantages to disadvantages should be smoother.
task achievement
Your essay is relevant to the topic and you provide some specific examples, which helps to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction and conclusion which frame the essay well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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