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Writing Samples
Band 7

Leaders and directors in an organization are frequently older people, some people think young leaders would be better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organization #people
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In contemporary society, organizational
leaders
 and decision-makers in
organizations
 are mostly senior
people
,
while
 others believe that young
people
 are more suitable for
such
 roles. I vehemently disagree with
this
 idea.
This
 essay will examine my viewpoint and justify why older
people
 are indispensable. To commence, a plethora of factors contribute to why experienced figures are more fit for high-level executive roles.
Firstly
, one pivotal undermining factor is that senior workers possess tremendous experiences and robust professional skills, as they have been practising for a very long time.
Therefore
, these individuals offer a deeper understanding of professional works and more holistic abilities compared to the younger ones, bringing an instrumental contribution to the
organizations
.
Additionally
, these older
people
 can make decisions wisely
due to
 the extensive knowledge they have.
Consequently
, experienced
leaders
 can substantially enhance organizational quality, facilitating
organizations
 in achieving their main goals.
Conversely
, despite the advantages that senior
leaders
 bring to the table, those who agree that young
leaders
 are better have their own justification. Proponents of
this
 argument believe that the youths have more flexible time and energy than the older ones, as senior figures often have other occupations,
such
 as families.
Hence
,
such
 other occupations may potentially reduce their focus on implementing their primary jobs.
However
, experienced individuals with comprehensive time management skills can alleviate
this
 obstacle easily.
For instance
, these
people
 can create clear boundaries between work and personal endeavours in order to prevent distraction
as well as
 maximize their performance both in personal and professional settings. To encapsulate, I strongly agree that senior
people
 are preferable for high-level occupations, as they provide a deeper understanding of knowledge and have a wiser judgment. I believe that by assigning senior individuals to executive roles,
organizations
 can accomplish their objectives.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Real-world examples or data can make your claims more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs by using cohesive devices like furthermore, moreover, however.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a clear standpoint on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively summarize and conclude the main argument.
coherence cohesion
The arguments are logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea or perspective.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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