At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #advantage #situation

In recent decades, the lion's share of some countries'

population

consists of youths

Remove the comma

apply

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and only a small amount of the

population

includes elderly people. There are advantages and a disadvantage to

this

trend, which will be discussed in

this

essay. The advantages seem to outweigh the disadvantages

according to

some reasons, which will be explained. To start with the disadvantage, the lack of an expert workforce can lead to a breakdown in some industries,

such

as agriculture, food and clothing industries. To be more accurate, the entire young and naive workforce cannot access experienced older professionals to foster their knowledge about their careers.

As a result

, newcomers cannot efficiently pass the promotion steps and become future experts.

For example

, in some factories, the junior workers practically learn how to do the job better from the senior forces. Moving to advantages, the main benefit of the young adult

population

being

Change the form of the verb

show examples

larger than the older

population

is that the government can be able to cut down the excessive cost of taking care of disabled elderly individuals. Seventy-year-olds and over need 24 hours protection and it can cost a lot for societies.

Moreover

, younger societies may contribute to economic growth. Concerts and Festivals will be held

according to

the young adult's interests, These enchanting events create a more bustling and lively city, attracting so many tourists from all around the world. The tourism industry plays a crucial role in economic promotion.

Finally

, the fresh learners of the younger

population

have the potential to follow different career paths and occupations, strengthening the

country

's financial background for the next generations. The more different experts in various areas in a

country

, the more field choices and job opportunities are available for our future children. In conclusion, adolescents and adults are more beneficial for societies, as they are ready to work and spin the vehicle of industry and make more money for their

country

In contrast

, older people need a large amount of funding provided by the government to live in the

country

without earning any money. Youths

also

help their hometown to be more attractive to tourists, leading to financial benefits for the

country

Submitted by ava.saljoughi on Sun Sep 15 2024

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task achievement

Your essay effectively addresses the task and provides a balanced view of the topic. While your ideas are clear and relevant, you may want to provide more specific examples and details to fully illustrate your points.

coherence cohesion

To strengthen your coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transition words and phrases to connect your ideas seamlessly. While your essay is logically structured, some sentences could be better connected for smoother flow.

task achievement

Your essay clearly states the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, providing a well-rounded discussion.

coherence cohesion

Strong introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize your main points.

task achievement

You have appropriately supported your main points with relevant examples and explanations.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

358 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some cities and towns believe that building outdoor recreation and public spaces is important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behaviour. Discuss both views and give your personal opinion and reasons.

A successful person is one who has earned a lot of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The plans below show the layout of a university's sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.