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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #advantage #situation
In recent decades, the lion's share of some countries'
population
 consists of youths
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and only a small amount of the
population
 includes elderly people. There are advantages and a disadvantage to
this
 trend, which will be discussed in
this
 essay. The advantages seem to outweigh the disadvantages
according to
 some reasons, which will be explained. To start with the disadvantage, the lack of an expert workforce can lead to a breakdown in some industries,
such
 as agriculture, food and clothing industries. To be more accurate, the entire young and naive workforce cannot access experienced older professionals to foster their knowledge about their careers.
As a result
, newcomers cannot efficiently pass the promotion steps and become future experts.
For example
, in some factories, the junior workers practically learn how to do the job better from the senior forces. Moving to advantages, the main benefit of the young adult
population
being
Change the form of the verb
is
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 larger than the older
population
 is that the government can be able to cut down the excessive cost of taking care of disabled elderly individuals. Seventy-year-olds and over need 24 hours protection and it can cost a lot for societies.
Moreover
, younger societies may contribute to economic growth. Concerts and Festivals will be held
according to
 the young adult's interests, These enchanting events create a more bustling and lively city, attracting so many tourists from all around the world. The tourism industry plays a crucial role in economic promotion.
Finally
, the fresh learners of the younger
population
 have the potential to follow different career paths and occupations, strengthening the
country
's financial background for the next generations. The more different experts in various areas in a
country
, the more field choices and job opportunities are available for our future children. In conclusion, adolescents and adults are more beneficial for societies, as they are ready to work and spin the vehicle of industry and make more money for their
country
.
In contrast
, older people need a large amount of funding provided by the government to live in the
country
 without earning any money. Youths
also
 help their hometown to be more attractive to tourists, leading to financial benefits for the
country
.
Submitted by ava.saljoughi on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task and provides a balanced view of the topic. While your ideas are clear and relevant, you may want to provide more specific examples and details to fully illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen your coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transition words and phrases to connect your ideas seamlessly. While your essay is logically structured, some sentences could be better connected for smoother flow.
task achievement
Your essay clearly states the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, providing a well-rounded discussion.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize your main points.
task achievement
You have appropriately supported your main points with relevant examples and explanations.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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