IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and work of arts by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In the contemporary epoch , there is
heated
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a heated
the heated
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 argument over the issue that
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 will not be needed
beacuse
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because
people
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 can use
computer
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computers
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for
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to
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 watch
art
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 and
galleries
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 . I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement . I would highlight my perspective which will lead to a logical condition. To commence, I see eye to eye with the given aspect for multifarious reasons. First and
formost
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foremost
, Historical buildings play a vital role in our
life
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lives
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 where we can learn
plethora
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a plethora
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 of things.
People
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 can have an immersive
experince
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experience
 of being
sorrounded
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surrounded
 by exquisite paintings and sculptures. Probing ahead , Public
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 are good for
ameliorate
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ameliorating
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 the
economy
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economic
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 growth . seeing all the things close distance
help
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helps
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 us , come to know about culture and tradition and get deeper knowledge how our ancestors .
For example
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, In India there is one renowned museum located in Anadpur
shib
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Shib
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 we
people
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 can get
alot
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a lot
 of knowledge by seeing them properly . They can explore different
type
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types
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 of things and meet
people
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 where they can share their
experience
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experiences
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 about different places
also
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 . It helps
people
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 to
bulid
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build
 new
relation
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relationships
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 with
another ones
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another one
other ones
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. 
Moreover
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,
museums
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 are considered tourist attractions and
therefore
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 have a significant financial profit. When visitors go to these facilities, they often purchase food and other items in the neighbourhood. As an effect, not only the museum but
also
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 the nearby businesses benefit. To recapitulate,
although
Linking Words
 it is easier to access artwork information
through
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apply
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online
but
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apply
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it is still necessary for the public to
physical
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physically
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 attend public
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 to appreciate the artwork.

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Grammar
Ensure precise grammar and spelling. For example, 'First and formost' should be 'First and foremost,' and 'beacuse' should be 'because.'
Coherence & Cohesion
Clarify your main points and ensure they logically progress. Some ideas seem slightly disjointed or repetitive.
Task Response
Develop your arguments further with deeper analysis and more specific examples. This will improve the depth of your essay.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are coherent and do summarize your stance well.
Task Response
You've effectively highlighted some key advantages of physical museums and art galleries, like economic growth and cultural learning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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