Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?

Most of the children are allowed by their parents to do anything or buy anything that they want.
This
is not a good way of parenting as they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowledge of things which are good or bad for them. It might
ends
Change the verb form
end
show examples
up in jail in
wrose
Correct your spelling
worse
cases. In
this
contemporary epoch, it has been observed that most of the guardians render excessive freedom to their kids and allow them to take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
according to
their choice. In my opinion, it is not a wise approach and
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
numerous positive and negative effects on the
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
of youngsters.
This
essay will delve into the reasons behind the above scenario.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The essay should be structured clearly, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will help in presenting the argument more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are grammatically incorrect and need refinement, such as changing 'might ends up in jail in wrose cases' to 'might end up in jail in the worst cases.'
task response
The essay lacks specific examples to support the points made. Including real-world scenarios or hypothetical examples would enhance the argument.
task response
The essay needs to explore both the positive and negative consequences of this parenting style in greater detail, providing a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the main points are clearly outlined in each paragraph and that they logically flow from one to the next. This will make the argument more coherent.
general
The essay touches on an important and relevant topic regarding parenting styles.
task response
You show an understanding of the potential consequences of excessive freedom granted to children.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgent
  • entitlement
  • discipline
  • responsibility
  • nurturing
  • self-reliance
  • adversity
  • autonomy
  • validation
  • dependence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: