Competition for university study is becoming increasingly strong. Why are universities becoming more competitive? Is this a positive or negative development? (Write 250 words.)
In the contemporary world, it has been a controversial topic that numerous citizens believe that overcoming candidates who have demanded peaked top universities in order to drive themselves for a good quality of life and successful occupations in the future periods,
while
others suggest otherwise
. After thorough consideration, I strongly believe that it is likely to elevate more drawbacks for children
and juveniles. My opinion will be thoroughly examined in the following essay.
It is undeniable that stressful communities and societies on a global scale have influenced advocating and motivating children
who confront the most significant exams related to university entrance in the next periods. For instance
, various kids in Thailand have some attitudes associated with seeking out a dream come true in huge universities because they think that it is more essential than other things in their life, and they are likely to be serious about examinations, which may impact their mental health
and physical health
in the next paragraph.
On the paradoxical side, even though numerous parents believe that serious educational competition has several benefits, particularly building up a fortune in the future. Nevertheless
, I am confident and aware of those drawbacks that may lead to generating an awful life for children
due to
community pressure and parental oppression. To clarify, when they have more reading, including rigorously external studying may impact their health
dramatically, especially mental health
related to insomnia, depression, and panic disorders. Moreover
, all juveniles have some illnesses like “the physical systems”, such
as high blood pressure, higher sugar, and obesity.
To recapitulate, numerous parents and senior people may debate in favor
of educational competition associated with university entrance that provides several benefits for their kids in the next periods. Change the spelling
favour
Nevertheless
, I confidently believe that it is likely to increase drawbacks related to physical and mental systems for children
and juveniles.Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The task has been addressed fairly well, but ensure you clearly specify why universities are becoming more competitive and elaborate further on those reasons.
clarity
While your ideas are generally clear, try to avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader. Strive for clarity and simplicity.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, but the logic connecting sections could be enhanced. Make sure your points flow more seamlessly from one to the next.
introduction conclusion
Your essay structure is strong; both introduction and conclusion are present and relevant.
supported main points
You provided relevant examples which support your main points, like the example of children in Thailand and the impacts on health.
complete response
You addressed both aspects of the question, explaining both why universities are becoming more competitive and discussing the positive and negative consequences.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.