IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Write about the following topic: Unhealthy eating has a negative. effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#topic #effect #individuals #society #people #government #tax #foods #‘fat #tax’
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
 nowadays prefer eating
junk
food
 despite knowing its consequences on health. Some
people
 believe that it is important to impose a
tax
 on unhealthy
food
items
whereas
 other says that it is not necessary to force a fat
tax
. In my opinion, a
tax
 on unhealthy
food
 should be imposed as
people
 now are becoming unhealthy and obese
due to
 the consumption of more
junk
food
. Recently, one news channel did a poll and asked
regrading
Correct your spelling
regarding
show examples
food
,
people
 love to eat and
junk
food
 was clearly a winner as 90% preferred it. The consequences that we see from eating outside
food
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 alarming. Compared to the
last
 decade, the life span of individuals has dropped drastically.
Moreover
, young
people
 are more obese now and we can see they are less healthier than old generation
people
. It is because of the type of
food
 they are consuming. Young
people
 working in offices prefer to eat
junk
food
items
 rather than fruits even if a fruit shop is
also
 there. So, It is a better option to apply
tax
 on these
food
items
 to reduce consumption of these
food
items
. To illustrate, the purchase of various soft drinks in India reduced significantly after
tax
 was imposed on them.
On the contrary
, it can be unfair to enforce taxes on some sections of society. Fast
food
 is considerably more affordable as compared to healthy
food
. So, imposing a
tax
 will make it costlier and will be cruel
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some individuals.
Moreover
, increased taxes will collapse the fast
food
 industry. They play a vital role in the economic growth of the country and a sudden decline in the purchase of
junk
food
items
due to
 the imposition of taxes can lead to instability and various other issues.
To conclude
, even though, we know that implementing a
tax
 will cause problems for some
people
as well as
 some industries
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is necessary to have a
tax
 on various
food
items
 which are unhealthy as it
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
 us various health issues.
Moreover
, life span is reduced now. Various diseases like diabetes, hypertension, and cholesterol are common especially in youth
due to
 the consumption of fast
food
.
Submitted by anash.suhail on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to improve coherence.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further with more specific examples and detailed arguments.
language
Proofread the essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both views on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and offers a clear opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Government intervention
  • Taxation
  • Public health outcomes
  • Revenue
  • Reinvested
  • Health education programs
  • Level the playing field
  • Regressive
  • Low-income individuals
  • Governmental overreach
  • Infringing
  • Personal freedom
  • Education about healthy eating
  • Subsidizing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: