IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Unhealthy eating has a negative. effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#effect #individuals #society #people #government #tax #foods #‘fat #tax’
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People
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 nowadays prefer eating
junk
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food
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 despite knowing its consequences on health. Some
people
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 believe that it is important to impose a
tax
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 on unhealthy
food
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items
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whereas
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 other says that it is not necessary to force a fat
tax
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. In my opinion, a
tax
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 on unhealthy
food
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 should be imposed as
people
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 now are becoming unhealthy and obese
due to
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 the consumption of more
junk
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food
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. Recently, one news channel did a poll and asked
regrading
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regarding
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food
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,
people
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 love to eat and
junk
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food
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 was clearly a winner as 90% preferred it. The consequences that we see from eating outside
food
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 alarming. Compared to the
last
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 decade, the life span of individuals has dropped drastically.
Moreover
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, young
people
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 are more obese now and we can see they are less healthier than old generation
people
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. It is because of the type of
food
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 they are consuming. Young
people
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 working in offices prefer to eat
junk
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food
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items
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 rather than fruits even if a fruit shop is
also
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 there. So, It is a better option to apply
tax
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 on these
food
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items
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 to reduce consumption of these
food
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items
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. To illustrate, the purchase of various soft drinks in India reduced significantly after
tax
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 was imposed on them.
On the contrary
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, it can be unfair to enforce taxes on some sections of society. Fast
food
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 is considerably more affordable as compared to healthy
food
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. So, imposing a
tax
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 will make it costlier and will be cruel
for
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to
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 some individuals.
Moreover
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, increased taxes will collapse the fast
food
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 industry. They play a vital role in the economic growth of the country and a sudden decline in the purchase of
junk
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food
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items
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due to
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 the imposition of taxes can lead to instability and various other issues.
To conclude
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, even though, we know that implementing a
tax
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 will cause problems for some
people
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as well as
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 some industries
but
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apply
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it is necessary to have a
tax
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 on various
food
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items
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 which are unhealthy as it
causes
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cause
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 us various health issues.
Moreover
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, life span is reduced now. Various diseases like diabetes, hypertension, and cholesterol are common especially in youth
due to
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 the consumption of fast
food
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.
Submitted by anash.suhail on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to improve coherence.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further with more specific examples and detailed arguments.
language
Proofread the essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both views on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and offers a clear opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Government intervention
  • Taxation
  • Public health outcomes
  • Revenue
  • Reinvested
  • Health education programs
  • Level the playing field
  • Regressive
  • Low-income individuals
  • Governmental overreach
  • Infringing
  • Personal freedom
  • Education about healthy eating
  • Subsidizing
What to do next:
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