In the future the main reason for going to the shopping malls will be for entertainment, not to shop because of e-commerce. Do you agree or disagree ?
More and more
people
these days shopping online. However
, in some countries
there are increasing numbers of Add a comma
countries,
malls
. Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
people
prefer to go there only having
fun and just Change the verb form
to have
for spending
time because of e-commerce. I generally agree with Change preposition
to spend
this
point and I will consider my opinion in this
essay.
There are numerous disadvantages of
shopping online. Sometimes you do not know exactly what you are getting. Change preposition
to
Products
looked great Correct article usage
The products
might
feel chintzy or cheap when you hold Correct word choice
but might
in
. You can not determine the texture Correct pronoun usage
them in
fabric
, fit or quality just by looking at a photo. Change preposition
of fabric
Other
drawback is Correct quantifier usage
Another
lack
of touch and feel of Correct article usage
the lack
product
in online shopping. It creates concerns over the quality of the product on offer. It is impossible Fix the agreement mistake
products
that
Change preposition
to
trying
clothes on .
If we look at Wrong verb form
try
other point
of the issue, shopping Change the wording
another point
other points
malls
more interesting place
to Fix the agreement mistake
places
shop
. People
enjoy shopping at malls
with friends. That is
a good idea to spend time together. In the malls
, there are entertainment places such
as cinemas , bowling alleys, restaurants and playground
for children. You can Fix the agreement mistake
playgrounds
shop
security while
your children are in the exactly
place. It makes Change the adverb
exact
great
atmosphere for purchasing Add an article
a great
merchandises
. Another positive aspect is you can have Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
opportunity
to try on clothes and get advice on products from Correct article usage
the opportunity
shop
assistant. They can help you to find your colour and size. Correct article usage
a shop
Also
, they recommend which one is suitable for you. Finally
, in
Change preposition
apply
this
physical stores allow price negotiations between Correct determiner usage
these
customer
andFix the agreement mistake
customers
shopkeeper
. You have Fix the agreement mistake
shopkeepers
chance
to get products in a better deal if you gather more Correct article usage
a chance
merchandises
in one Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
shop
.
That's why people
don't go to shopping stores only for entertainment. However
shopkeepers have to revolutionize Add a comma
However,
quality
of Add an article
the quality
shop
inventoriea
. In my Correct your spelling
inventories
opinion
it had better shops and entertainment Add a comma
opinion,
are
under one roof.Unnecessary verb
apply
Submitted by nursultonergashov19 on
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task achievement
Your essay delivers a clear stance on the topic and reflects upon both sides. However, the introduction could be more compelling with a more explicit thesis statement outlining your main arguments.
task achievement
While your essay does include specific points, some of your ideas could be elaborated on further. Provide more examples or explain the importance of the examples you use for a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is mostly clear, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using more transitional phrases to better connect your paragraphs and points.
coherence cohesion
Although you have an introduction and conclusion, your conclusion could be more robust and summarize the key points more effectively. This would leave a stronger final impression on the reader.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view of the topic, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping versus physical shopping at malls.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with distinct paragraphs discussing different aspects of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You use some effective vocabulary and expressions to convey your ideas, which helps in making your essay more engaging and readable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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