IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, people research their family history, some people say this is useless and we should instead focus on present and future generation. Share your opinion. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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A curiosity about
one’s
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 past is always been in
people
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’s genes.
While
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 family
history
Use synonyms
 can tell useful
information
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 about the medical
conditions
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 or habitual effects, current and
future
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 circumstances are more important than the past, because the current situation is different from the past to be based on.
While
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 I understand that presents are more important because historical gene issues can be prevented and cured by regular check-ups by modern technologies, the
history
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 of the family tells necessary
information
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 about the critical
conditions
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 or specific behaviours that
people
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 may not be aware of. So,
people
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 can make adjustments in their behavioural acts in
this
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 present phenomenon which could affect the
future
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. To know about the past comes from genetic curiosity. Even children get curious about their ancestors. From the past
history
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 of
one’s
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 family, one can acknowledge the family tradition
as well as
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 other important medical
conditions
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.
For example
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, Angelina Jolie found out about breast cancer that caused her grandmother to die, so she frequently checked her health to prevent potential cancer. If
people
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 did not know about the family
history
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, they may not be able to prevent the historical
diseases
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.
Therefore
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, knowing about the family
history
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 is necessary because anyone can prevent potential
diseases
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 which were occurred within the family.
In contrast
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, many
people
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 would not care about family
history
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, because current and
future
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 circumstances are more important than the past. Since society has changed into the
information
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 age,
people
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 can gather all the
information
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 with just a click.
This
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 is different from the ancestor’s generation
,
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apply
show examples
 because new
diseases
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 are created or new issues are occurred every day.
For instance
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, MERS, ZIKA and SARS are new
diseases
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 that had not occurred in the past
history
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 but in
this
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 21st century
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
cures and symptoms
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 more important than knowing family histories.
As a result
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 of
this
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,
people
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 are concentrating more on the current situation than the past. Even though I understand the current situations are important because
this
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 can affect the lifestyles in the
future
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, knowing about the past seems
also
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 vital. From the medical
conditions
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, habitual cycles and the specific characteristics can be stuck with DNAs. Once
people
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 are aware of the
information
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, they can make amendments when they make a decision in life.
For instance
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, Bill Gates’ family suffered from
poor
Add a missing verb
being poor
show examples
 for a long period which was
due to
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 laziness, so he decided to become rich by not being lazy and always trying to work every minute. If he had been unaware of his family
history
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 and family characteristics, he would never have been able to realise his potential which was hidden inside his DNAs.
Thus
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, I believe that knowing of family
history
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 is necessary in order to acknowledge
one’s
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 full
information
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. In conclusion, currently, we are facing different issues which have not been dealt with in the past.
Thus
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, knowing about the current and
future
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 seems important.
However
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, acknowledging the past is more important because
one’s
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 family
history
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 contains the full
information
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 about
one’s
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 self without taking
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 time to analyse every aspect.
This
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information
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 can be useful to make a decision or to live a lifestyle because
people
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 can change their behaviours by acknowledging the
information
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 which can affect the foreseeable circumstances.

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task achievement
While the task is thoroughly addressed, some points could benefit from further elaboration. Try to delve deeper into your examples or reasoning to provide a more robust argument.
task achievement
Try to refine your grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity. Minor errors can make your points less clear to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each of your paragraphs transitions smoothly into the next. This will help maintain the logical flow of your essay and make it easier for readers to follow your argument.
task achievement
Your essay does a great job of addressing both sides of the argument, effectively weighing the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly state your opinion and summarize your main points.
task achievement
You use relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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