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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some areas of the US, a "curefew" is imposed, in which teenangers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is yout opinion about this?

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It is well known that in many places in the US, children are not allowed to be in public areas at a certain time of the day if they are not by an adult. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
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 statement and I will argue the reasons in the ensuing paragraphs.
Firstly
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,
due to
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 the increasing number of crimes in the US, it is unsafe for
kids
Use synonyms
 to be alone in public areas.
Furthermore
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, at night time fewer people are on the street, making it more unsafer to be in public areas as it is the best time for criminals to steal and not be caught.
Hence
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, it is of great importance to not leave young children alone, which may reduce the chance of being stolen or even worse kidnapped.
According to
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 a recent survey made in South America, governments said that they are thinking of applying the same rule, as 80% of the crimes
such
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 as robberies or murders, are committed at late times of the day.
Secondly
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,
although
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 we do not have to live as if we were in jail, it is important to be aware of what is happening in our surroundings and try to avoid having a bad moment.
In addition
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, it would be a better option if
kids
Use synonyms
 could meet at one of their houses and play there
instead
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 of going out.
For instance
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, a recent article suggests that a great number of
kids
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 had been kidnapped were outside their houses in front of their caregivers.
That is
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 to say, even though adults can be watching their
kids
Use synonyms
, it may not prevent a tragedy.
To sum up
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, even though it may be difficult to live with restrictions on children's freedom
such
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 as not allowing them to be outside without an adult, it can reduce the risk of robbery or kidnapping.

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consistency
Ensure to maintain consistency in tenses throughout your essay. Small inaccuracies in phrasing can be distracting. For example, 'more unsafer' should be corrected to 'less safe.'
support
Develop your points with more specific examples or statistical data to support your arguments effectively. This will make your reasoning more compelling.
thesis statement
Thesis statement is clear and provides a strong stand on the topic.
structure
Introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay by presenting and restating the main argument.
transitions
Good use of transitional phrases like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' to logically organize the essay.
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