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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Is it important for people to take risks, both in their professional and personal lives. do you think the awdvantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages

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It is believed that
people
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 must be brave enough to take
risks
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 in their professional and personal lives. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why the benefits of taking
risks
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 overshadow the potential drawbacks. On the one hand, anyone considering to take
risks
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 must know some of the potential challenges.
Firstly
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, taking
risks
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 may be very stressful since there is a lack of certainty as to whether it will lead to success or complete failure. It involves one’s ability to read and calculate the probability of factors that may affect the desired result. Living in these uncertain circumstances may cause too much stress, which can
consequently
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 lead to severe anxiety.
Secondly
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, when making risky decisions, one must be prepared for the probability of failing and losing what they sacrificed in the first place. When they fail, there must be costs that need to be paid,
such
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 as their effort, time, or even investment.
As a result
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, they may
feeling
Change the verb form
feel
be feeling
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 stuck or not
making
Change the verb form
make
be making
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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progress since they have to start again from zero.
On the other hand
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, taking
risks
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 could offer some great benefits.
Firstly
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, taking
risks
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 gives
people
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 the opportunity to step out of their comfort zone. By confronting the uncertainty, risk-takers may foster their personal growth
as well as
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 discover their strengths.
As a result
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,
people
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 will learn more about themselves and what they can achieve.
Secondly
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,
while
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 taking
risks
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 may need full consideration, it helps
people
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 to overcome their fears. They will learn to become stronger and more resilient when they face their fears head-on.
This
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 can help them navigate future challenges and handle difficult situations with greater ease. In conclusion,
while
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people
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 must be aware that taking
risks
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 may lead to anxiety, uncertainty and losing everything they have, being a risk taker allows them to step out of their comfort zone and overcome their fears.
Therefore
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, on balance, I remain firmly convinced that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to further illustrate your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs transition smoothly by using more transition phrases or linking words. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are clear and well-organized, varying sentence structures can make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, addressing both the pros and cons of taking risks.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, framing your discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically presented and supported with reasonable explanations.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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