IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The amount of traffic in cities is growing. What are the causes and what measures can be taken to reduce it?

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In
this
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 century of technology, there is a lot of transport on the street, which causes several problems in the city, like
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams. In turn, it causes numerous other issues,
for instance
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, gas emissions and a slowdown in living standards.
This
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 problem should be solved with mutual work, by reducing moving on the streets. First and foremost,
traffic
Use synonyms
 in cities produces a lot of gas emissions, especially carbon dioxide. Those gases negatively influence on air, by polluting it and contributing to smog . There are already numerous countries that feel the affection for it, like Pakistan or India,
moreover
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 , air pollution
also
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 can affect flora and fauna. Breathing polluted air can be compared to smoking,
due to
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 its impact on the lungs and organisms.Road congestion can
also
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 cause a living slowdown, owing to the time it takes. Most citizens are late because of them, and generally, it can significantly influence on country’s economy. In order to solve it, roads should be expanded. The extension can help to reduce the amount of cars on the streets, and in turn, problems for employees.
Thus
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, even if it will help to lower the quantity of transport, it would not help to escape
traffic
Use synonyms
 and
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 consequences. Creating multi-level moving can help to accelerate rides and trips. Roads would be placed one above another and one below the other. It is already realized in populous countries like China or Japan.
That is
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 the reason why they are one of the most economically and technologically developed republics. All things considered,
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams should get more attention not only from citizens but from the government too. Only using the collective mind and work we will reach order on the roads , which is equivalent to a sustainable city and world.

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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. For instance, you could mention specific statistics or studies that highlight the extent of traffic problems and their impact on the environment and economy.
task achievement
Work on enhancing the clarity of your ideas. Some sentences are a bit convoluted and could be simplified for better understanding.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are well-developed and contribute to the main argument of the essay. Some points feel a bit repetitive and could be condensed.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more transitional phrases to enhance the flow of the essay. This will help in achieving better coherence and cohesion throughout your writing.
task achievement
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion on traffic issues and their impacts.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant to the topic and provide a general understanding of the issues caused by traffic and possible solutions.
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