Sugar consumption is too harmful. Some say it is government’s responsibility to limit sugar intake, while others say it’s individual who are responsible. Discuss both views and give you opinion?
The consumption of sugary foods and
bevarages
has drastically increased in Correct your spelling
beverages
those
Correct determiner usage
the
last
few decades. Sugar
intake
upon
a certain level is proven to be harmful Change preposition
at
for
our health. Change the preposition
to
For
this
reason, some people
believe governments should ramp up their efforts to limit sugar
intake
in people
Change noun form
people's
diet
, Fix the agreement mistake
diets
on the other
hand
others believe that it is a personal choice of each individual. I strongly agree with the second position because each Add the comma(s)
hand,
citizens
should be free to Change to a singular noun
citizen
take
Correct your spelling
make
its
own choice in how he Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
feed
himself.
On the one hand, those who agree with the idea of considering it a government’s Change the verb form
feeds
responsability
probably Correct your spelling
responsibility
refers
to the fact that in Correct subject-verb agreement
refer
welfare
state how each of us Correct article usage
a welfare
live
his own life Change the verb form
lives
interfere
with others. As an example of that, if Correct subject-verb agreement
interferes
sugar
consumption is harshly harmful, then
probably these people
will need more medical care then
Correct your spelling
than
other
and Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
have
an impact on how and if hospitals are able to give Change the verb form
has
to
that many Change preposition
apply
people
the cure they need.
Furthermore
, they believe in a paternalistic form of action of the governments where if citizens are not able to choose what is best for them, governments should assume the responsability
to show them the right way. Despite it might sound a logical way of thinking, I disagree with these ideas because I believe that freedom in Correct your spelling
responsibility
people
’s life choice
is a supreme right.
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
On the other hand
, those who considers
individuals Change the verb form
consider
as
responsible Change preposition
apply
of
their life choices agree that after making common knowledge that a certain Change preposition
for
intake
of sugar
is harmful, and it is science’s role, each of us should be free of behaving in the exacly
opposite way. Correct your spelling
exact
exactly
Moreover
, tackling this
problem limiting
Change preposition
of limiting
sugar
intake
as an obey will have an impact on economies because compagnie
who Correct your spelling
companies
sold
Wrong verb form
sell
this
kind of products should completely reinvent themself and this
will have huge
and disastrous effect on Add an article
a huge
western
economies.
Capitalize word
Western
To conclude
, the health reason
need for sure to be considered to face Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
this
problematic
but, in my opinion, the right to choose is on Replace the word
problem
an
higher level and Change the article
a
for
this
reason
it needs to be protected more than the other.Add a comma
reason,
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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task achievement
Work on expressing ideas more comprehensively by elaborating on each point fully before moving on to the next one. This will show a deeper understanding and a more thorough discussion of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay addresses both views on the topic, fulfilling the task requirement.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion, which adds clarity and direction to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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