IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some think that younger people should be able to choose any job they like others think that they should think more realistically about the future. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#think #people #job #future
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There is no doubt these days most of
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 tend to choose
thier
Correct your spelling
their
jobs
Use synonyms
 upon on their passions. The question is
.what
Correct your spelling
what
 is the best method to choose their future
jobs
Use synonyms
 ?Is It
depand
Correct your spelling
depends
depend
 on what
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
 likes or what the
job
Use synonyms
 sectors need
?.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
In
this
Linking Words
 essay ,I will discuss both points and draw my opinion.There are several opinions about how the youngest individual
choose
Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
show examples
 their occupation .Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 assume that the youngest
people
Use synonyms
 should think more realistically about the future and there are many reasons
support
Fix the infinitive
to support
show examples
this
Linking Words
 claim .
For example
Linking Words
, recently the number of graduate
studens
Correct your spelling
students
 are profiliting with
time
Use synonyms
 which
leads
Wrong verb form
has led
show examples
 to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 rate of
comptations
Correct your spelling
competition
 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
graduate students that
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
 the youngest
people
Use synonyms
 have to look
about
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
required by companies and attempt to complete all the requirements in order to obtain the
job
Use synonyms
 in a short
time
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 .The second reason is ,
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 passion only is not enough because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passion and motivation
are changing
Wrong verb form
change
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 over
time
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 .
In contrast
Linking Words
 , some of
individuals
Add an article
the individuals
show examples
 are opinion that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
spend
time
Use synonyms
 in
jobs
Use synonyms
 you like is giving
opportunity
Add an article
an opportunity
the opportunity
show examples
 to live
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 and happy life .To illustrate, most of us spend 8 hours or more in our
jobsaand
Correct your spelling
jobs
 most
of
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apply
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
 in the world
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 on routine which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 some
time
Use synonyms
bored
Change preposition
to bored
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 so just imagine
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 your
time
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 you don't like
this
Linking Words
 will impact negatively
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employment life.
To conclude
Linking Words
 we could say that
this
Linking Words
 decision
depands
Correct your spelling
depends
 on personal choices .
Submitted by aldossaryfaten95 on

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task achievement
The introduction needs to be clearer. It should clearly state the purpose of the essay and outline the main points that will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the essay progresses logically from one point to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve the conclusion. It should summarize the main points discussed and restate your opinion clearly.
general
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary to improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
You have covered both viewpoints in the essay.
task achievement
The points you have made are relevant to the essay question.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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