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Band 5.5

Home-schooling is becoming increasingly popular as more and more parents are choosing to educate their children in this way. Why do you think parents might choose home-schooling rather than traditional schools? Do you think home-schooling is more beneficial?

#parents #children #schools
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Nowadays, more and more
parents
 are choosing to educate their
children
 through home-schooling
due to
 different kinds of reasons.
According to
 recent research conducted by the Hong Kong Government, about 25% of
parents
 choose home-schooling for their
children
. Homeschooling is quite famous, not only in Hong Kong but
also
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other countries. The major reason why
parents
 choose home-schooling rather than traditional
schools
 is the
children
 of those
parents
 have suffered from unhappy memories in their
school
 which made the
children
 feel sad and anxious. Some
children
 may even suffer from emotional disorders
such
 as depression and anxiety disorder because of the bad and
disaster
Replace the word
disastrous
show examples
school
 life. Those
children
 are reluctant and afraid to get into the
school
 environment and
school
 life again since they have bad experiences like facing bullying in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
. In order to protect the
children
 from recalling the bad memories again, the
parents
 will let the
children
to
Change the verb form
apply
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study at home and quit the
school
.
Therefore
, the
parents
 will allow their kids to study at home
instead
 of the traditional
school
. In my opinion, traditional
schools
 are more beneficial than homeschooling. There are several reasons. The first reason is traditional
school
 provides a channel for
students
 to learn how to get along and communicate with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. The traditional
school
 provides valuable opportunities for
students
 to learn
the
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apply
show examples
social
skills
 which help the
children
 to be a more mature person who knows how to
social
Replace the word
socialise
show examples
 with others. Through different activities and group projects in the
school
, the
children
 in the traditional
school
 can know what
are
Verb problem
apply
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the
skills
 of cooperating with their classmates so as to do well in their stuffs. As a matter of fact, in the grown-up process,
students
 are not only required to learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
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academic things but
also
the
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apply
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communication
skills
. It is more difficult for home-schooling
children
 to develop their social
skills
 and build up their friend zone as they have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 chances to
social
Replace the word
socialise
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people of similar ages. The second reason is traditional
schools
 provide a fixed timetable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
 to follow like the time of going to the
school
. There will be some punishment for
students
 when they fail to follow the timetable provided in the
school
.
This
 will help the
students
 to become more disciplined as they will understand the responsibility of being punctual. When the
children
 grow up as
an adults
Correct the article-noun agreement
an adult
adults
show examples
, they still have to be punctual when they get to work.
Therefore
, the
children
 can have the habit of being punctual since the traditional
school
 has trained them for a long period of time. It is quite hard to have a model answer to determine whether homeschooling or traditional
school
 is better as it depends on different people. It is good
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to see different learning methods are becoming more and more famous as it implies people are becoming more open-minded in the world. For me, traditional
schools
 are better. For you, you may think homeschooling has more upside to you.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Ensure all reasons are fully explored and linked back to the main question.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing more varied and seamless transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples and reasons to support the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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