The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Technology has seen impressive growth over the past few decades, which has in turn transformed our lives in numerous ways. The
smartphones
industry has been revolutionized in Change the noun form
smartphone
such
a way that majority of the people
now rely on mobile phones
for both communication and for
business Change preposition
apply
purpose
. Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
However
, the continuous use of these devices can cause social or medical issues such
as depression and antisocial behaviours. While
I acknowledge the health problems caused by the overuse of mobile phones
, I firmly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Firstly
, cell phone helps people
to stay connected across the globe. In the past, people
had to rely on letters and fax
to exchange Fix the agreement mistake
faxes
the
information. Nowadays platforms like WhatsApp, telegram, Instagram, Facebook etc. have made communication significantly easier. As long as one has an internet connection, staying connected with others is seamless. The interaction can be both personal or Correct article usage
apply
business related
. Add a hyphen
business-related
For example
, smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
phones
allow access to office mails
and applications like Microsoft Fix the agreement mistake
mail
teams
enabling individuals to participate in office meetings and calls without the need to be physically present at a computer or in Capitalize word
Teams
office
.
Correct article usage
the office
On the other hand
, there is a growing concern about the impact of smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
phones
on mental health. It has been observed that an increasing number children
and adults are seeking help for issues related to mental well-being. A study conducted by the University of CaliforniaChange preposition
of children
,
found that Remove the comma
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
who use their cell phones
for more than three hours a day are more likely to exhibit antisocial behaviour and experience depression. To address these concerns, it is essential to educate the public about the potential side effects of excessive smartphones
use and encourage children to engage in outdoor activities.
In conclusion, Change the noun form
smartphone
while
there are undeniable adverse effects associated with the overuse of mobile phone usage, these can be through awareness and education. On the other hand
, mobile phones
remain indispensable tools that offer significant benefits in both personal and professional contexts.Submitted by greeshmav91 on
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task achievement
In the introduction, clarify the specific problems and advantages you will discuss. This will help in setting a clear roadmap for the essay.
coherence cohesion
In the body paragraphs, ensure that ideas are fully developed with specific examples and explanations that directly relate to the main point.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use more variety in connecting words and phrases to link ideas smoothly. For example, use phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'As a result,' and 'In addition,' to clearly signal relationships between points.
coherence cohesion
Lastly, in the conclusion, briefly summarize the key points you have made to reinforce your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question and provides relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Clear, structured argument, making it easy to follow the writer's main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
