The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Technology has seen impressive growth over the past few decades, which has in turn transformed our lives in numerous ways. The
smartphones
Change the noun form
smartphone
show examples
industry has been revolutionized in
such
a way that majority of the
people
now rely on mobile
phones
for both communication and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
business
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
However
, the continuous use of these devices can cause social or medical issues
such
as depression and antisocial behaviours.
While
I acknowledge the health problems caused by the overuse of mobile
phones
, I firmly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Firstly
, cell phone helps
people
to stay connected across the globe. In the past,
people
had to rely on letters and
fax
Fix the agreement mistake
faxes
show examples
to exchange
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information. Nowadays platforms like WhatsApp, telegram, Instagram, Facebook etc. have made communication significantly easier. As long as one has an internet connection, staying connected with others is seamless. The interaction can be both personal or
business related
Add a hyphen
business-related
show examples
.
For example
,
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
allow access to office
mails
Fix the agreement mistake
mail
show examples
and applications like Microsoft
teams
Capitalize word
Teams
show examples
enabling individuals to participate in office meetings and calls without the need to be physically present at a computer or in
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
.
On the other hand
, there is a growing concern about the impact of
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
on mental health. It has been observed that an increasing number
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
and adults are seeking help for issues related to mental well-being. A study conducted by the University of California
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
found that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
who use their cell
phones
for more than three hours a day are more likely to exhibit antisocial behaviour and experience depression. To address these concerns, it is essential to educate the public about the potential side effects of excessive
smartphones
Change the noun form
smartphone
show examples
use and encourage children to engage in outdoor activities. In conclusion,
while
there are undeniable adverse effects associated with the overuse of mobile phone usage, these can be through awareness and education.
On the other hand
, mobile
phones
remain indispensable tools that offer significant benefits in both personal and professional contexts.
Submitted by greeshmav91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
In the introduction, clarify the specific problems and advantages you will discuss. This will help in setting a clear roadmap for the essay.
coherence cohesion
In the body paragraphs, ensure that ideas are fully developed with specific examples and explanations that directly relate to the main point.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use more variety in connecting words and phrases to link ideas smoothly. For example, use phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'As a result,' and 'In addition,' to clearly signal relationships between points.
coherence cohesion
Lastly, in the conclusion, briefly summarize the key points you have made to reinforce your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question and provides relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Clear, structured argument, making it easy to follow the writer's main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • cyberbullying
  • screen time
  • data privacy
  • identity theft
  • financial fraud
  • eye strain
  • sleep disorders
  • chronic issues
  • productivity
  • notifications
  • validation
  • self-esteem
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!