You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
In many countries, crimes have escalated especially in certain countries with low to middle income
such
as Africa, Indonesia, India, Papua, Afghanistan, and Venezuela. The main reasons on
why Change preposition
apply
crime
has escalated in a span of several years may be caused by economic, education
Correct word choice
and education
problem
, and mental Fix the agreement mistake
problems
disorders
due to
the lack of regulated
Correct article usage
a regulated
government
system.
Economic problems can be seen from the poverty rates
of a country. Unemployment, high competition stakes in a business, high taxes with low salary
, and Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
lastly
corruption from the government
itself. This
causes the citizen to move to a more unalternative way to live their life.
Not only poverty causes growth in crime
rates
but also
mental disorders
that are developed through either genetics or experiences in their past life. Mental disorders
shouldn't be taken lightly as it is a major cause for someone to do
criminal acts. Many serial killers we've heard of Verb problem
commit
such
as Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bunty, The Zodiac Killer and other criminals has
at least one mental Correct subject-verb agreement
have
disorders
they've developed from childhood or genetics Fix the agreement mistake
disorder
such
as schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, Necrophilia, Psycophat
, Sociopath and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Correct your spelling
Psychopath
Those disorder
usually comes from Change the determiner
That disorder
Those disorders
bad
childhood and Add an article
a bad
live
in a rather unstable economy.
The third problemWrong verb form
living
,
Add a missing verb
is, lack
lack
of Correct article usage
the lack
education
. Most of the criminals comes
from lower statuses because they have no higher Change the verb form
come
education
which made
them hard to find a job that accepts them which Wrong verb form
makes
then
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
crime related
jobs because it does not require age or even safety but with a quite huge amount of profit. The Add a hyphen
crime-related
government
should implement more schools and free entry jobs for anyone who does not have a high degree in education
. We could see the contrast of
Change preposition
between
a developed countries
like Germany, Sweden, and Correct the article-noun agreement
developed countries
a developed country
UK
have lower Correct article usage
the UK
crime
rates
which shows how much education
is essential for the well being
of the country's Add a hyphen
well-being
people
. Free education
until high school should be implemented by the government
more often to reduce crime
rates
.
The lack of regulation in the government
mostly corruption to abuse of power. Not only people
who are in
lower status Change preposition
of
commits
Change the verb form
commit
crime
, Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
people
from the higher ups Correct word choice
but people
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
also
. A good governor should take over the system and create a better one, Rephrase
so
from
corruption itself leads to loss of money spent for their own benefit Change preposition
as
not
for their Add the comma(s)
, not
people
. We could only make a change by proving the wrongs of the government
while
helping those who needed attention.Submitted by riani.the2 on
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task response
Your essay addresses the task by discussing the main causes of crime and suggesting ways to deal with them. However, providing more specific examples and detailed explanations would strengthen your arguments. For instance, giving more concrete examples of policies or programs that have succeeded in reducing crime could be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Nonetheless, some points lack cohesion and flow. Using more transitional phrases and ensuring each paragraph smoothly leads to the next can improve the overall coherence. For example, linking sentences within paragraphs more effectively can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task response
You have touched on several key points such as economic problems, mental health, and education. However, some points are not fully expanded. For example, when discussing mental health, it would be helpful to elaborate on how specific mental health interventions can reduce crime.
task response
You have identified several pertinent causes of crime, including economic issues, mental health, and lack of education, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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