It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some
people
think that saving money
is crucial for their future, however
, it may have some troubles. I definitely agree with this
statement, and in this
essay
I will Add a comma
essay,
tell
about Verb problem
talk
advantages
and drawbacks of that Correct article usage
the advantages
habbit
. Correct your spelling
habit
People
feel much more confident if they have extra money
, therefore
, keeping capital require
some restrictions.
A lot of individuals save their Change the verb form
requires
cash
for bad days. In some occasions without capital people
enroll for problems
. The main one is when someone get
injury or illness. At Change the verb form
gets
such
Correct your spelling
consequences
consequence
concsequenses
Add a comma
concsequenses,
persons
need Replace the word
people
huge
Add an article
a huge
amount
of Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
cash
to help for
another one. Troubles like that are unpredictable and individuals have to have Change preposition
apply
a
Remove the article
apply
money
for such
problems
. In
Change preposition
On
other
hand, for some Correct article usage
the other
people
spending cash
for their needs is essential. Because,
overusing that Remove the comma
apply
thechnic
may lead Correct your spelling
technic
for
some psychological and satisfaction Change preposition
to
problems
.
Regarding the benefits of saving capital. Feeling confidance
is the main advantage. Correct your spelling
confident
confidence
Problems
with health, education, traveling
, transportation and etc can be solved if Change the spelling
travelling
people
have money
. Moreover
, people
become more satisfied when they have an opportunity to order everything, in the case of food, entertainment
. Correct word choice
and entertainment
Lastly
, social critics, no one want
to be abused by society, and Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
money
may solve that difficulties
. If Change the determiner
that difficulty
those difficulties
people
have their own home, car and happy family society react
Correct subject-verb agreement
reacts
for
them positively, and it's essential for some individuals.
In conclusion, keeping Change preposition
to
incomes
and Fix the agreement mistake
income
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchasing
then
Correct your spelling
them
accurately
is important, and it overweight than Change the word
accurate
spend
them every time. I suggest Wrong verb form
spending
for
everyone Correct word choice
that
to
save their Fix the infinitive
apply
cash
to
bad days.Change preposition
for
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay needs to present ideas more clearly and systematically. Try to ensure your thoughts are logically structured and linked together seamlessly. This will improve the overall coherence.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the prompt well, providing both advantages and drawbacks of saving money. However, your argument and examples need to be clearer and more specific to better support your claims. Try to use concrete examples and detailed explanations.
Task Achievement
Work on grammatical accuracy and word choice. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that can cause confusion. Consider revising sentences to improve clarity and readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it easier to follow. This is an important aspect of a well-structured essay.
Task Achievement
You demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and were able to provide a balanced view by discussing both the pros and cons of saving money. This is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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