Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
The price and accessibility of
technology
prompted juveniles and adolesents
to work from their homes. Despite its well-known benefits, I think it is a negative development. The more affordable Correct your spelling
adolescents
technology
makes people
more stressed, distracted
, and Correct word choice
and distracted
reduce
their willingness Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
of asking
questions.
Change preposition
to ask
Unexpensive
and accessible nature of Correct your spelling
Inexpensive
technology
make
Change the verb form
makes
people
even stresser
. Adults and children that already have Correct your spelling
stressed
stressor
Correct article usage
a potension
potension
of stress because of their assignments will be much more mentally ill by not interacting Correct your spelling
possession
to
Change preposition
with
other person
in their environments. Behind Change the wording
another person
other people
this
reason is because warm
and Correct article usage
the warm
relaxable
nature of friendship can reduce their mental pressure. Correct word choice
relaxed
Hence
, technology
benefits can lessen their coping mechanism.
These two merits of technology
also
prompted people
being
distracted by other Change the verb form
to be
unessesary
things. Correct your spelling
unnecessary
Unessesary
things Correct your spelling
Unnecessary
such
as using streaming
Add an article
the streaming
platform
and doing something not related to what Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
the
are doing will reduce their quality of work. Correct your spelling
they
Adolesents
that Correct your spelling
Adolescents
are not really pay
attention will make their assignments unsatisfying. These aspects can Change the verb form
are not really paying
danger
their career. Verb problem
damage
These
nature Correct determiner usage
This
also
related to children Add a missing verb
is also
that
use online streaming Correct pronoun usage
who
platform
rather than studying. Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
As a result
, children couldn't absorb their material fully and
Correct word choice
which
effect
their Verb problem
affected
score
.
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
Beside
Change preposition
Besides
two
reasons that I mentioned before, Correct article usage
the two
technology
easiness can have Change noun form
technology's
adverse
impact on Add an article
an adverse
willingness
Add an article
the willingness
of asking
questions. Adults and juveniles often are more keen to ask questions when they are in Change preposition
to ask
a physical environments
because they can ask right away just Correct the article-noun agreement
physical environments
a physical environment
raising
their Change preposition
by raising
hand
. Fix the agreement mistake
hands
However
, when they are online relatively different degree
of willingness.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
technology
drives these two type
of Change to a plural noun
types
people
have
an easier way to conduct their Fix the infinitive
to have
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
by
home. Change preposition
at
However
, there are adverse consequenses
that couldn't Correct your spelling
consequences
be overlook
.Change the verb form
be overlooked
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coherence cohesion
Your essay’s structure could be improved for clarity and flow by organizing it a bit more logically. Try to present each main point clearly, followed by supporting details and examples to back your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph logically follows from the previous one to make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is effective, but try to clearly outline what each paragraph will discuss. This setup helps guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion restates your main points but also offers some insight or final perspective on the issue.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task but could respond more fully to the prompt. Ensure every point you raise directly relates to the question of whether this development is positive or negative.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively by explaining how each point relates to your overall argument. This helps build a stronger case.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points, which will make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively presents your opinion on the topic, which provides a clear direction for the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have attempted to support your main points with some explanation, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.