Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate about whether
children
Use synonyms
should develop a sense of
competition
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or cooperation. Some
people
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think
competition
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is important for
children
Use synonyms
to succeed in their
future
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careers,
while
Linking Words
others believe that learning to cooperate makes them better adults.
While
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competition
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may help
children
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improve their career prospects quickly, I think cooperation is more useful for a successful
future
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career.
Children
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need to be competitive to succeed in their careers as adults. A sense of
competition
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can push them to stand out and be recognized in their jobs.
For example
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, employers often look for
people
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who have unique experiences and are eager to improve themselves.
However
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, too much
competition
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can make
children
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more focused on themselves and seeking attention
instead
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of working towards their main goals.
As a result
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, they may care more about getting approval from others than achieving their real objectives.
On the other hand
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, cooperation can be very beneficial for
children
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’s
future
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careers. Working together helps
people
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reach goals because different
people
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have different roles.
For example
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, in a company, the human resources staff and the IT staff must work together to succeed. If
children
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are taught to cooperate, they are more likely to become employees who work well with others to reach common goals. In conclusion, teaching
children
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to cooperate can help them adapt better
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
their
future
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jobs and open up more opportunities for long-term career development.
Submitted by alifahmad1799 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and a logical flow of ideas. For instance, you could start with a topic sentence, provide an explanation, and then give an example to support each point.
task achievement
You could enhance the support for your main points by providing more specific examples and elaborating on them. This would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to integrate more linking words and cohesive devices. This can help improve the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly stated. This provides a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives and provides a clear opinion, which is essential for a high score in task achievement.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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