Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There is an ongoing debate about whether
children
should develop a sense of competition
or cooperation. Some people
think competition
is important for children
to succeed in their future
careers, while
others believe that learning to cooperate makes them better adults. While
competition
may help children
improve their career prospects quickly, I think cooperation is more useful for a successful future
career.
Children
need to be competitive to succeed in their careers as adults. A sense of competition
can push them to stand out and be recognized in their jobs. For example
, employers often look for people
who have unique experiences and are eager to improve themselves. However
, too much competition
can make children
more focused on themselves and seeking attention instead
of working towards their main goals. As a result
, they may care more about getting approval from others than achieving their real objectives.
On the other hand
, cooperation can be very beneficial for children
’s future
careers. Working together helps people
reach goals because different people
have different roles. For example
, in a company, the human resources staff and the IT staff must work together to succeed. If children
are taught to cooperate, they are more likely to become employees who work well with others to reach common goals.
In conclusion, teaching children
to cooperate can help them adapt better in
their Change preposition
to
future
jobs and open up more opportunities for long-term career development.Submitted by alifahmad1799 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and a logical flow of ideas. For instance, you could start with a topic sentence, provide an explanation, and then give an example to support each point.
task achievement
You could enhance the support for your main points by providing more specific examples and elaborating on them. This would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to integrate more linking words and cohesive devices. This can help improve the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly stated. This provides a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives and provides a clear opinion, which is essential for a high score in task achievement.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite