IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets, and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

#internet #books #air #tickets #groceries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
When I was a child, I heard a lot about the expression (world will be
one
 small village), and that of course was out of my conscious, how could the big world become just
one
 place? since I realized the meaning of
this
 old expression and online shopping reassures
this
 point of view, where shopping is very common among young people and reasonable among adults, but as usual there is nothing good to most,
although
 there are advantages of online shopping there are
also
 dangerous disadvantages for paying money online. We could consider an Easy way to select brushes whatever and wherever
this
 product is,
one
 of the advantages of online shopping,
therefore
. Flexibility in exchanging products and paying with a
card
 which means postponed withdrawal, without bearing the tiredness of crowded streets and shops. the drawbacks of online shopping are unbelievable like Uncontrollable shopping,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 The temptation of the products makes it difficult to control the purchase of things, rather than you will be after a short time Indebted, loaded with a magnificent amount of money,
not to mention
 the wrong delivery in size or
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 which demand another waiting to exchange
this
 product to the right
one
.
Also
, the most disadvantageous issue is that your
card
 may be hacked, that was exactly what happened to me, and I was forced to cancel my
card
 to stop withdrawing.
at
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 the end, I want to express how much I agree with online shopping but under firm precautions, like buying from reputed companies that have their history and are keen on it,
furthermore
 do online shopping with a limited amount on your
card
 as controlling yourself, and banding unwanted brush in case your
card
 is hacked.
Submitted by Mido  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your response addresses the task prompt, but be sure to balance the advantages and disadvantages more evenly. Providing more specific examples and data could improve your argument.
coherence cohesion
While there is a clear introduction and conclusion, try to organize your essay better with clear paragraphs for each main point. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is well-supported with relevant ideas and examples. This will strengthen your arguments and support your position more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion at the beginning and the end, which shows a consistent stance.
task achievement
Your writing demonstrates a good understanding of both the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • time-saving
  • wide selection
  • competitive prices
  • discounts
  • accessibility
  • global marketplace
  • availability
  • fraud
  • scams
  • lack of
  • physical interaction
  • personal experience
  • impersonal
  • customer service
  • delays
  • delivery
  • return process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: