In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

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Nowadays, the world has
becoming
Change the verb form
become
show examples
more and more cashless thanks to the improvement of technology. Some argue that using
cash
to pay will no longer
available
Add a missing verb
be available
show examples
and all
payments
will be made by cards or phones. As far as I am concerned,
cash
will be still around us
although
society has been changing to cashless because of some practical reasons. The first point to mention is that individuals will still be paying
cash
even if technology keeps improving in terms of its security and convenience.
For instance
, it will be an extra fee for small shops to install the systems for electrical
payments
. If those shops were not doing well with their business, the owner would not be happy to pay extra to maintain their payment systems and they would prefer
cash
payments
at their shops
instead
. Another example is that educating children regarding money would be beneficial if adults use the actual currency in order to show its value. It is a fact that people tend to disregard the
apreciation
Correct your spelling
appreciation
when they spend some money if they pay by card or phone.
This
is because they cannot physically see how much money they have spent and if
this
habit continues, some of them may have financial issues later on. In order to avoid
this
situation, some parents prefer to use notes and coins to educate them on how to keep
truck
Correct your spelling
track
show examples
in terms of their finances.
To conclude
,
although
cashless
payments
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
become popular, I strongly believe that using
cash
will still be around in the future and individuals will not give up using
cash
due to
the given reasons.
Submitted by hiromi.1828.o on

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task achievement
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task achievement
Try to further develop your points to make your arguments even more persuasive. Additionally, using a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures will enhance the overall quality.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using linking words and phrases will help improve the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present and relevant, you might want to refine them to make them more engaging and impactful.
task achievement
Your main points are clearly stated and well-supported. This demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is evident. Each paragraph has a clear purpose and contributes to your overall argument.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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