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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of britain. The table shows where the moneys came from and the charts show how it is distributed.

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of britain. The table shows where the moneys came from and the charts show how it is distributed.
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The table compares the police budget in two different
years
Use synonyms
 in one city,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart illustrates how much the expenditure is in three categories.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the budgets for the two
years
Use synonyms
 were similar to each other,
however
Linking Words
, there was a minor rise in the total. It can be seen that the majority of the income was spent on police officers and other
stuff
Correct your spelling
staff
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 salaries during the period.  Looking in more detail at financial sources, the National Government gave it
the
Change the article
a
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 large amount of the police
budgets
Fix the agreement mistake
budget
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, with 177.5
million
Use synonyms
pounds
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 and 177.8
million
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pounds
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, respectively.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the Local Taxes came in second stage with more than 91
million
Use synonyms
pounds
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 in 2017 and grew to 102
million
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pounds
Use synonyms
 in 2018. The number in the other source was similar,
such
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 as grants with 38
million
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pounds
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 in 2017 and around 38.5
million
Use synonyms
pounds
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 in 2018. There was a gradual upturn in the total budgets from approximately £304.7
million
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 to £318.6
million
Use synonyms
pounds
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.  Turning now to how the money was spent in both
years
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, salaries accounted for the largest proportion of devoted, making up 75%,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage dropped
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the following year with 69% of the sum.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, in 2017 the technology allocation was only 8%, after that, in 2018, the technology roughly doubled their percentage to 14%.
Finally
Linking Words
, buildings and transport remained relatively stable at 17%
at
Change preposition
in
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 both
years
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, million, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • budget allocation
  • funding sources
  • expenditure categories
  • fiscal year
  • operational efficiency
  • resource allocation
  • personnel management
  • National Government
  • Local Taxes
  • Miscellaneous revenues
  • Salaries
  • Technology
  • Buildings and Transport
  • budget distribution
  • financial trends
  • allocation shifts
  • budget increments
  • expenditure patterns
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