Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
In
this
contemporary era, pastime plays a vital role in human life.On the contrary
, most individuals do not have enough time
for doing
leisure activities.Change preposition
to do
Although
,
some believe that it may have more benefits I advocate that the drawbacks of Remove the comma
apply
this
issue are more than its pros. I will explain it more in the following paragraph and will end up with a logical conclusion.
Primarily, the more time
people work the more money
they can earn.To illustrate more, an employee can increase their lifestyle by working more time
in order to give more salaries.For example
, if a person who works in a company stays at their office more than official time
, they will earn overtime. Moreover
, they can increase their experience in their job by working more so as to get promotion
in their workplace. Correct article usage
a promotion
Hence
, when people do their occupation for a long time
a day not only can they earn more salaries but also
they can add to their knowledge about their jobs.
On the other hand
, an individual lives in a family with their family members who need them. when they work for long hours they do not have had
the opportunity to spend their Unnecessary verb
apply
time
with their children and wives. From a psychological point of view, it is important that every person spend some time
with their family. In addition
, their body can be damaged in the long run as well as
their mind.In other words
, they may pay more money
to the doctors when they work more and more.Then
, when men spend their time
for
working they lose the Change preposition
apply
time
of being
with their relatives and Verb problem
spent
also
it may cause some problems for their bodies.
In conclusion, people pass
more Verb problem
spend
time
in their workplace and can not fulfil leisure activities. It is evident that by working more they can earn more money
and promotion, but it is more important that they mention not only to their families but also
to their health. Needless to say that
, their Correct pronoun usage
apply
healthy
is more important than Replace the word
health
money
.Submitted by rezvanmansoori388 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition and make sure to vary your sentence structures to increase readability and engagement.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your arguments with specific and relevant examples for better support.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on the clarity and accuracy of your language use to more effectively communicate your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the argument.
logical structure
The organization of the essay is logical, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the topic.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!