IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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In
this
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 contemporary era, pastime plays a vital role in human life.
On the contrary
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, most individuals do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
for doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
 leisure activities.
Although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 some believe that it may have more benefits I advocate that the drawbacks of
this
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 issue are more than its pros. I will explain it more in the following paragraph and will end up with a logical conclusion. Primarily, the more
time
Use synonyms
 people work the more
money
Use synonyms
 they can earn.To illustrate more, an employee can increase their lifestyle by working more
time
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 in order to give more salaries.
For example
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, if a person who works in a company stays at their office more than official
time
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, they will earn overtime.
Moreover
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, they can increase their experience in their job by working more so as to get
promotion
Correct article usage
a promotion
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 in their workplace.
Hence
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, when people do their occupation for a long
time
Use synonyms
 a day not only can they earn more salaries but
also
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 they can add to their knowledge about their jobs.
On the other hand
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, an individual lives in a family with their family members who need them. when they work for long hours they do not have
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the opportunity to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 with their children and wives. From a psychological point of view, it is important that every person spend some
time
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 with their family.
In addition
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, their body can be damaged in the long run
as well as
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 their mind.
In other words
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, they may pay more
money
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 to the doctors when they work more and more.
Then
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, when men spend their
time
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for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working they lose the
time
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of being
Verb problem
spent
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 with their relatives and
also
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 it may cause some problems for their bodies. In conclusion, people
pass
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 more
time
Use synonyms
 in their workplace and can not fulfil leisure activities. It is evident that by working more they can earn more
money
Use synonyms
 and promotion, but it is more important that they mention not only to their families but
also
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 to their health. Needless to say
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, their
healthy
Replace the word
health
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 is more important than
money
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rezvanmansoori388 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition and make sure to vary your sentence structures to increase readability and engagement.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your arguments with specific and relevant examples for better support.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on the clarity and accuracy of your language use to more effectively communicate your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the argument.
logical structure
The organization of the essay is logical, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the topic.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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