Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is commonly known that developments in technology are not always good for us. Surely, surveillance cameras and cellphones make us feel more secure,

however

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with

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apply

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all

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this

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these

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devices controlling us without consent can provoke some sense of discomfort, almost as

someone

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if someone

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broke into our own private space.

Firstly

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, most of

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this methods

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this method

these methods

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of monitoring have plenty of pros.

For example

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footages

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footage

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recorded by security cameras

have

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has

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been helping out

getting

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apply

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a lot of criminals lately.

According to

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data, published by police departments, those recordings were used in court to recognise almost 90% of criminals who robbed a bank in the

last

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20 years!

Likewise

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, thanks to phone-tracking features a lot of mafia groups' members were localized and arrested by local authorities.

In contrast

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this

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these

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methods have cons,

thus

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are always active, resulting in influencing

also

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other citizens'

life

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lives

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rather than only

criminals'

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criminals

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. In fact,

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this

Correct determiner usage

these

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tracking devices often get

along with

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softwares

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software

used to advertise

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social media platforms and websites.

For instance

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, in 2016 during

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the american

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american

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American

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presidentials

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presidential

elections,

facebook

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Facebook

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used

user's

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users'

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personal data and

websites

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website

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cookies to make people vote for Trump

instead

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of Clinton.

As a result

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this

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interfered

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with

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a state's democracy and it's really scary! In conclusion, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages at the moment. I think that computers still don't have compromised our freedom indeed. But, if

this

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happens in the future, it will be a problem to solve immediately.

This

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can be avoided by being more mindful

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electronic

devices

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device

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usage and by voting

people

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for people

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who

uses

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use

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them for our safety and not for their own good.

alessandro.taleseTue Sep 17 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents a well-rounded response to the prompt and clearly considers both the advantages and disadvantages of technology used for monitoring. However, ensure that each argument is fully developed and supported with more specific details or examples. This can enhance the persuasiveness of your response.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, with a good introduction and conclusion. However, work on making transitions between paragraphs smoother to improve the overall flow. Additionally, pay attention to ensuring each point is coherently connected back to the topic.

coherence cohesion

The language used is clear, but there are some minor grammatical and syntactical errors. For example, phrases like "all this devices" should be "all these devices", and "this methods" should be "these methods." Proofreading can help to catch these minor errors.

introduction conclusion present

You have a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly state your position, which is a key element of a high-scoring essay.

relevant specific examples

The use of relevant, real-world examples such as the 2016 American presidential elections and police data on criminal captures make your argument more compelling.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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Your opinion

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing sof skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

The beat way to understand other cultures is to work for a multinational organization. To what extent to you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any examples.

Today, people are getting greedy and selfish. Some people argue that we should go back the old days and show respect for the family and community, so that we can make the world a better place to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Countries are becoming mor and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? It is true that the globalization has made the world a global village and the countries are lot more similar than ever before.