IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

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Some people think the death penalty is a good choice to handle and reduce the crime rate and make society safer.
However
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, I think it is not a big deal solution because every person makes a mistake, and it is against human rights. On the one hand, A lot of crime categories in
this
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 world, and sometimes people make mistakes not because they want to do it but to protect themselves from violence,
For Instance
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,
Women
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 who are against
villain
Fix the agreement mistake
villains
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due to
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 they in dangerous situations
such
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 as sexual abuse, and
women
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 resistance make a villain injury or died.
As
Change preposition
In
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 case above, the
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women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
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maybe will
Wrong verb form
may
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 get
a
Correct article usage
apply
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capital
punishment
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 but if we look at
of
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apply
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the
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women
Change noun form
women's
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 situational
that
Correct word choice
apply
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violence can be acceptable because
she
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 only try to protect themselves.
On the other hand
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, No one people do not make a mistake and everyone has a chance to fix it. It is valid for every criminal neither big or small mistake
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 made.
Such
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 as, a terrorist
have
Change the verb form
has
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 a chance to make amends and be right to
given
Add a missing verb
be given
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 fair
punishment
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 like
subsequently
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 commuted to life imprisonment.
In addition
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, the government should
be have
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have
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 a prevention regulation to keep society
safety
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safe rather
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 than make a capital
punishment
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 that
this
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 path will more effective and do not break
he
Correct your spelling
the
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 human rights. In conclusion, The death
punishment
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 would not be effective in decreasing the number of crimes because it
contradicty
Correct your spelling
contradicts
contradictory
contradict
 with human rights, and the government should make a rule that can prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
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violence
Replace the word
violent
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 actions.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. While you have a good foundational argument about why capital punishment may not be effective, your paragraphs sometimes stray off-topic.
task achievement
Be more specific with examples. Instead of general statements, provide relevant and concrete examples that are directly tied to your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar. There are several grammatical errors which slightly diminish the clarity of your points. Proofreading and revising can help improve the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on your arguments to give a more thorough examination. Exploring both sides (pros and cons) more deeply would provide a more balanced view.
task achievement
You have a clear stance against capital punishment, and you've articulated your reasons for this view well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which help in framing your arguments well.
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