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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to be become a good sportsperson or musician. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #talents #sport #music #child #sportsperson #musician
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that some people
born
Add a missing verb
are born
show examples
 ,with talents or any person can be taught to become talented. There is no absolute agreement on whether children should be talented by birth or
every
Correct word choice
whether every
show examples
 field of knowledge or skill can be learned. A commonly held belief is that abilities in
such
 fields as
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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, music ,art and science
genetically
Add a missing verb
are genetically
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 embedded and run in
family
Correct article usage
the family
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.
According to
this
 point of view,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
born
Add a missing verb
are born
show examples
 with certain characteristics, which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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him
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 prone to success in specific
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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. As evidence of
this
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this,
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 they point to Mozart. He started to compose his first works at age five. His
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extraordinary ear for music and ability to create music were noticeable from childhood, which is evidence of innate
talent
.
Moreover
, Leonardo da Vinci, one of the greatest geniuses in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history, showed exceptional skills in different ways, including art, science, engineering and anatomy. His intuitive knowledge and creativity went beyond simple learning and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 often explained as the result of natural genius.
On the other hand
, some people think that every
talent
 can be developed by hard
work
, practice and persistence.Research shows that regular
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 and purposeful
work
 can compensate lack of inborn ability.
For example
, they may mention Michael Jordan.
Greatest
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The greatest
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 basketball player was excluded from
school
Add an article
the school
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 basketball team, cause
couch
Capitalize word
Couch
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 did not see enough potential in Michael.
However
,
instead
 of giving up, Jordan started to practice with unbelievable insistence and expanded his skills
on
Change preposition
to
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such
level
Correct article usage
a level
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, that he became one
f
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the greatest athletes in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history.
In addition
, Thomas Addison - mighty inventor. He said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 success was
result
Add an article
the result
a result
show examples
 of 1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of inspiration and 99
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of sweat. He claimed that his achievements came
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 continuous experiments, failures and hard
work
. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would say that
key
Correct article usage
the key
show examples
 factor of accomplishment
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not only
talent
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but passion, practice and desire to improve yourself.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end,
Add an article
a
the
show examples
combination of natural
talent
 and hard
work
becoming
Wrong verb form
becomes
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ideal
Add an article
an ideal
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 condition for achieving outstanding results.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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grammar
Try to proofread your essay to avoid minor grammatical mistakes (e.g., 'born ,with talents' instead of 'born with talents', 'Michael Jordan. Greatest basketball player' instead of 'Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player'). This will improve the readability and professionalism of your essay.
elaboration
When discussing examples, make sure to provide a bit more detail to clearly tie back how they relate to your main argument. This will help in creating more comprehensive ideas and reinforcing your points.
cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph flows seamlessly to the next. This could involve using more transitional phrases or sentences to link ideas and assertions clearly.
task response
You have successfully presented both sides of the argument, and your essay shows a clear understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively present, giving your essay a strong start and a comprehensive end.
examples
The examples used (Mozart, Leonardo da Vinci, Michael Jordan, Thomas Edison) are relevant and well-chosen to support the main arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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