Some feel that individuals today spend too much time following political news while others feel politics deserves greater attention. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

In the modern era, thanks to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology, accessing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the news and information about various areas has been more convenient than before and political information is no exception. There is an argument about whether
people
should spend
time
being enlightened in
this
area, or knowing it is in vain and is not effective. In the following essay, I will express both sides’ reasons and
also
my orientation towards
this
statement.
To begin
with the advocates’ opinion about
ineffectiveness
Add an article
the ineffectiveness
show examples
of political knowledge, citizens are struggling with daily challenges incorporate economic issues
that
Correct word choice
so
show examples
they cannot spend extra
time
gaining information about political issues.
For example
,
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
work 14 hours per day to mitigate their financial challenges so expecting them to dedicate
time
to
politic
Fix the agreement mistake
politics
show examples
is unreasonable.
In addition
, politics is the same
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
the other subjects, namely physics, biology and math. Learning other subjects
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
time
and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
,
so
Correct word choice
and so
show examples
does the political subject, particularly
due to
its complexity which makes it tough for regular
people
.
On the other hand
, despite
Add an article
the complication
show examples
complication
Fix the agreement mistake
complications
show examples
of
politic
Correct your spelling
politics
show examples
,
people
could have a general understanding of it just like economics, math, and even medicine. In the light fact that political decisions directly affect
people
’s lives,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
being cognizant of it would assist civilians in expressing their opinions in these decisions. Particularly, democratic countries require
community
Correct article usage
a community
show examples
with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
high awareness of
politic
Correct your spelling
politics
show examples
so
people
would wisely participate in different national events.
For example
, in
Republic
Correct article usage
the Republic
show examples
of Iran, authorities are nominated for
Correct article usage
the president
show examples
president
Replace the word
presidential
show examples
seat or Perelman and
then
, are elected based on their qualification and credits by Iranians. In conclusion, government is a crucial part of every country. The level of enlightening
people
in political
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
is completely dependent on the regime.
However
, I believe that communities need a basic knowledge of it to be aware of their rights and
also
to protest against unapproved events in their country.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion, which is good. However, try to avoid minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrases to improve readability. For instance, 'accessing to the news' should be 'access to the news'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and conclusion which are well-structured. Yet, the body paragraphs could have more logical connections and transitions between ideas. Make sure each paragraph flows into the next smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but they could use more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, illustrate situations where political knowledge has directly impacted people's lives significantly.
task achievement
The introduction clearly sets up the discussion and your opinion is explicitly stated in the conclusion, which shows clarity.
coherence cohesion
You have made a good attempt to discuss both sides of the argument which keeps the essay balanced and focused.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • informed decisions
  • democratic participation
  • mental health
  • stress and anxiety
  • accountability
  • misinformation
  • balanced approach
  • accessibility
  • engagement
  • political awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: