Some feel that individuals today spend too much time following political news while others feel politics deserves greater attention. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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In the modern era, thanks to
the
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apply
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technology, accessing
to
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apply
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the news and information about various areas has been more convenient than before and political information is no exception. There is an argument about whether
people
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should spend
time
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being enlightened in
this
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area, or knowing it is in vain and is not effective. In the following essay, I will express both sides’ reasons and
also
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my orientation towards
this
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statement.
To begin
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with the advocates’ opinion about
ineffectiveness
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the ineffectiveness
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of political knowledge, citizens are struggling with daily challenges incorporate economic issues
that
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so
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they cannot spend extra
time
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gaining information about political issues.
For example
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,
Japanese
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the Japanese
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work 14 hours per day to mitigate their financial challenges so expecting them to dedicate
time
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to
politic
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politics
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is unreasonable.
In addition
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, politics is the same
with
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as
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the other subjects, namely physics, biology and math. Learning other subjects
require
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requires
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time
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and
efforts
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effort
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,
so
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and so
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does the political subject, particularly
due to
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its complexity which makes it tough for regular
people
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.
On the other hand
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, despite
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the complication
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complication
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complications
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of
politic
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politics
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,
people
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could have a general understanding of it just like economics, math, and even medicine. In the light fact that political decisions directly affect
people
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’s lives,
and
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apply
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being cognizant of it would assist civilians in expressing their opinions in these decisions. Particularly, democratic countries require
community
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a community
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with
the
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a
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high awareness of
politic
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politics
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so
people
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would wisely participate in different national events.
For example
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, in
Republic
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the Republic
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of Iran, authorities are nominated for
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the president
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president
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presidential
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seat or Perelman and
then
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, are elected based on their qualification and credits by Iranians. In conclusion, government is a crucial part of every country. The level of enlightening
people
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in political
area
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areas
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is completely dependent on the regime.
However
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, I believe that communities need a basic knowledge of it to be aware of their rights and
also
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to protest against unapproved events in their country.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion, which is good. However, try to avoid minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrases to improve readability. For instance, 'accessing to the news' should be 'access to the news'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and conclusion which are well-structured. Yet, the body paragraphs could have more logical connections and transitions between ideas. Make sure each paragraph flows into the next smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but they could use more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, illustrate situations where political knowledge has directly impacted people's lives significantly.
task achievement
The introduction clearly sets up the discussion and your opinion is explicitly stated in the conclusion, which shows clarity.
coherence cohesion
You have made a good attempt to discuss both sides of the argument which keeps the essay balanced and focused.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • informed decisions
  • democratic participation
  • mental health
  • stress and anxiety
  • accountability
  • misinformation
  • balanced approach
  • accessibility
  • engagement
  • political awareness
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