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Band 5.5

Studies show that criminals get a low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#studies #show #criminals #level #education #people #crime #prison #job
People
 frequently discuss how
education
 and bad
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 are linked. Several studies suggest that if someone lacks
education
, they might be more likely to do incorrect things.
People
 believe that teaching those in prison can prevent them from committing crimes again after they are released.
However
, I disagree with
this
 idea and my viewpoint prior to reaching a conclusion will be shared in
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 following passages. First and foremost, things may not always go as planned
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
education
 can reduce lawlessness and a good
education
 could lead to better job opportunities. Consider a prisoner, learn a lot
while
 behind bars,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 earn some certificates
such
 as computer programming.
Consequently
, when he tried to find a job after his release,
people
 may still see him as someone who caused trouble because of his past.
Hence
,
education
 alone may not change how
people
 view those who have been in trouble previously making it hard for them to fit back into regular life.
Additionally
,
while
education
 can help with several issues, it can not solve everything. Research shows that bad
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 have numerous reasons, like not having an abundance of money, growing up in a difficult family or struggling with personal problems. A study from the National Institute of Justice found that numerous
people
 who go back to committing crimes after jail have problems with drugs or their emotions. Only teaching them might not be enough to stop them from going back to their crime. So, we need to consider the bigger picture and provide help with other things too. In conclusion,
although
 suggesting
education
 programs for prisoners have positive impacts on countries' revenue,
as well as
 the job sector, I think the best way to tackle
this
 problem is to implement punishments.
Submitted by hanie.english.edu on

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task achievement
Your essay adequately addresses the task, but it could benefit from a clearer stance. While you disagree with the idea, your conclusion introduces a new point about implementing punishments instead of summarizing your ideas concisely. This makes your position seem less definitive. Make sure to restate your main disagreement clearly in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
There are some small grammatical inaccuracies and awkward constructions that slightly reduce clarity. Try to proofread your work or use a tool to help catch these small errors. Also, ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
You present relevant specific examples, such as the one about a prisoner learning computer programming. This helps to support your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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