Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are many arguments between people about the salary
that is
Linking Words
really more vital than
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction. I completely believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
being fulfilled from their
job
Use synonyms
is much more essential rather than getting a high amount of salary. For and foremost, if a person loves his or her
job
Use synonyms
it may give a fulfilment from life. When workers are satisfied with their careers it would be great to get inspiration and step forward.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, being grateful for their work plays a vital role and may have a good impact on their family too.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when workers have the motivation to work on their
job
Use synonyms
, they may
treat
Wrong verb form
be treated
show examples
well with all of their family members.
Secondly
Linking Words
, having a satisfied occupation may lead to great results. Workers who work with
desire
Correct article usage
a desire
show examples
they
were
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
successful and achieve their career goals.
For example
Linking Words
, my father
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
always hardshipped by being grateful and happy with his
job
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, he started to get high salaries and rewards from his career. Even
he
Correct word choice
though he
show examples
faced difficulties he never gave up. He just overcame those hardships with gratitude and kindness to his profession.
To conclude
Linking Words
, people who love what he is doing
than expecting
Wrong verb form
expect
show examples
a high salary. They may succeed
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets the stage well, but it would benefit from a clearer thesis statement outlining the main points you will discuss.
logical structure
Try to use more transitional words and phrases to make your essay flow more smoothly from one idea to the next.
relevant specific examples
Expand on your examples and explanations to make your arguments more compelling. Adding specific details will strengthen your main points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on sentence variety and try to avoid grammatical errors such as verb tense inconsistency and subject-verb agreement. Proofreading can help you catch these errors.
complete response
You did a good job explaining why job satisfaction is important. This shows a clear understanding of the topic.
relevant specific examples
Your essay includes personal examples, which help illustrate your points well.
logical structure
The main ideas in your essay are logically arranged and easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: