IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is good idea to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valued to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some people think that including all of the
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 known by the author in a scientific paper,
business
Use synonyms
idea
Use synonyms
, and study is a crucial thing. But others argue that keeping the most important and valuable information may be necessary. Writing everything
that is
Linking Words
 related to a
business
Use synonyms
 or study is important so a continuous improvement can occur.
Because if
Correct word choice
If
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 we hide things from the public,
then
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 innovations will be limited to
one
Correct pronoun usage
our
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own’s
Change noun form
own
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 mind and will never be achieved as soon as possible.
For example
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, a scientist is obligated to write his or her paper as detailed as possible so others can improve the research.
Hopefully
Add a comma
Hopefully,
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 as
result
Correct article usage
a result
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,
further
Linking Words
 advancements can be made.
However
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, keeping some important information as a secret is a key to some because if we publish all of the data to the public, a similar
idea
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 may arise without the consent of the
owner’s
Change noun form
owners
show examples
. If
this
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 is the case,
then
Linking Words
 a competition between the holders of
these similar
Change the determiner
this similar idea
these similar ideas
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idea
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 may collide.
For example
Linking Words
, there was a conflict between two owners of
spicy
Add an article
a spicy
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 fried chicken restaurant in Indonesia. One claimed that the competitor was mimicking their
business
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.
However
Linking Words
, the other argued that the recipe
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 spilled
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much to the internet so it is legal to copy the
business
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. Personally, I think that keeping the key ingredients or ideas
privately
Change the word
private
show examples
 is wiser, both in the context of research or
business
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.
Alhough
Correct your spelling
Although
 innovations are needed nowadays, I think intellectual rights are
also
Linking Words
 as important. As a conclusion, sharing as much knowledge as possible is brilliant to create better findings in the future.
Nevertheless
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, it is
also
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 important to value an
idea
Use synonyms
 by keeping it all by yourself.

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task achievement
Try to include a stronger, more specific thesis statement in your introduction that clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Focus on ensuring that each paragraph fully explores and supports your main points. This will help make your arguments clearer and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas to enhance the cohesiveness of your essay. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will help improve readability and coherence.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarizes your position effectively.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, such as the scientific paper and the business competition scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Your essay overall has a logical structure with separate paragraphs dedicated to different aspects of the discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaboration
  • accelerates progress
  • innovative discoveries
  • transparency
  • open access
  • verify results
  • fraudulent
  • ethical practices
  • consumer trust
  • potential risk
  • misuse
  • sensitive information
  • genetic data
  • defense-related technologies
  • proprietary information
  • trade secrets
  • competitive edge
  • value
  • investment of time and resources
  • compensation
  • disincentivize
  • recoup costs
  • balanced approach
  • policies and agreements
  • sensitive data
  • fair compensation
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