IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
number
Use synonyms
 of people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
separate
Verb problem
are
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male and female who
attend
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Olympics
Use synonyms
 between 1924 and 2012. And graph demonstrates
trend
Add an article
a trend
the trend
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of attendances
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Use synonyms
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
 during
this
Linking Words
 period. As you see in the bar chart the
number
Use synonyms
 of women that participate in
Use synonyms
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
raised
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 substantially year by year
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just under 5000 in 2012 from almost null in 1924. In all years men have more
Use synonyms
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
 than women
although
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 difference Is reduced during
this
Linking Words
 period,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 men have
most
Correct your spelling
more
show examples
Use synonyms
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
 than women consistently.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the line graph shows that
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of participants and
Use synonyms
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
 is increasing steadily and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a sharp increase in 2012 and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
approximate
Change the word
approximately
show examples
 10000 humans from just over 6000 in 1984.
To sum up
Linking Words
, increasing
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of attendance in
Use synonyms
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
 parallelly with increasing the
n umber
Correct your spelling
number
show examples
 of female and male
Use synonyms
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words number, olympics, athlete with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: