IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

it is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#people #money #future
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It is often said that saving
money
 for the future is crucial, regardless of age.
While
 I agree that saving is important, especially for young
people
, I
also
 believe there should be a balance between saving and enjoying
life
 at a young age.
To begin
 with, saving
money
 at an early age can provide financial security in the future. When young
people
 develop the habit of saving, they can accumulate a financial cushion that may come in handy for various unexpected expenses,
such
 as medical emergencies, unemployment, or other unforeseen circumstances.
Furthermore
, saving early allows individuals to invest in opportunities that may arise later in
life
, like buying a house, starting a business, or funding
further
 education.
This
 forward-thinking approach can help them become more independent and financially stable in adulthood.
On the other hand
, it is equally important for young
people
 to enjoy their youth and gain experiences that can shape their personalities and perspectives. Investing
money
 in travel, education, and hobbies can enrich their lives and provide valuable learning experiences.
Additionally
, if young
people
 focus solely on saving and restrict their spending, they might miss out on opportunities for personal growth and enjoyment. In conclusion,
while
 it is vital for everyone, including young
people
, to save
money
 for their future, a balance must be struck. Saving is important, but so is experiencing
life
 and learning through various activities.
Therefore
, young
people
 should be encouraged to save wisely but
also
 to spend on experiences that can contribute to their personal development.
This
 balanced approach can lead to both financial stability and a fulfilling
life
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task response
To enhance clarity, add more specific examples or anecdotes to strengthen your arguments. This would make your essay more engaging and persuasive.
task response
Ensure that all main points are equally developed. While the emphasis on saving was thoroughly covered, the points about enjoying life could be expanded further.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is very strong, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes your essay easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion that effectively frame your argument, guiding the reader through your points smoothly.
coherence cohesion
You provided supported main points which are logically connected to the overall argument about the importance of saving and the balance of enjoying life.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, showing a deep understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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