IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that progress is always good. Others believe in preserving tradition. Which do you think is more important and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#people #progress #tradition #support
Some people think that the development is critical and useful.
However
, others see
that is
 fine to keep
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 and maintaining
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fixed traditions. From my point of view, I see
that is
 important to develop our
mentality
 and
life
 as well for several reasons including the primary effect of
this
mentality
 on our
life
 in several areas , and develop our nations through the economy and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
. First and foremost, the developments and enhancements in different aspects are integral
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of our lives which affect our attitudes and behaviours in solving our problems.
Therefore
, keeping up-to-date and maintaining to develop
our selves
Correct your spelling
ourselves
show examples
 in various aspects
such
 as but not limited to
in
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apply
show examples
social, financial,mental and science are game-changers to enhance our
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality of
life
. Some people
motivated
Add a missing verb
are motivated
show examples
 to learn more and more to improve their skills,
competences
Correct your spelling
competencies
show examples
 and knowledge.
Hence
,
acquring
Correct your spelling
acquiring
this
mentality
 will
be improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
our selves
Correct your spelling
ourselves
show examples
 which
affect
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affects
show examples
 our nations and countries in different areas including
education
 and
economy
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the economy
show examples
.
Additionally
, keeping hold
the
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of the
show examples
 fixed traditions and ignoring to develop or expose
our selves
Correct your spelling
ourselves
show examples
for
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to
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 any new is
negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
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mentality
.
Moreover
, there are several communities and countries around the world
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
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 developed the quality of their lives
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they realized the
importnace
Correct your spelling
importance
 of
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
 and
the
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apply
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enhancement.
For example
, Singapore was
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
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 country economically, socially, and scientifically.
However
, the leaders of
this
 country realized the
importnace
Correct your spelling
importance
 of development ,so they changed their
education
 system in all stages, formal language, ethical values, regulations and laws. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
improvement is a vital and
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essential part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our lives to develop our countries, nations and generations.
Hence
,
acquring
Correct your spelling
achieving
this
 direction will
base
Verb problem
build
show examples
 a common ground which positively
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
in
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apply
show examples
various areas including
education
 ,
social
Replace the word
society
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, and
economy
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the economy
show examples
.
However
, holding on with
fixed
Correct article usage
a fixed
show examples
 mindset and ignoring any updates or changes will
be avoiding
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 us
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
enahnce
Correct your spelling
enhancing
 our
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality of
life
.
Submitted by asem.fraig on

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general
Ensure clarity in expressing ideas. Some sentences can be clearer with appropriate transitions and simpler structures.
grammar
Work on reducing grammatical and spelling errors (e.g., 'acquring' should be 'acquiring', 'enahnce' should be 'enhance').
content
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, delve deeper into how Singapore specifically changed its education system or economic policies.
grammar
Ensure proper agreement in sentences, e.g., 'keeping up-to-date and maintaining to develop our selves' should be 'keeping up-to-date and ensuring self-development'.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a strong framework for the essay.
content
The main points are generally well-supported and relevant to the topic.
structure
The essay exhibits a logical structure with a clear progression of ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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