In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?
There is a developing trend in the number of sportsmen who utilize banned substances to increase their performance in
majority
of professional Add an article
the majority
a majority
sports
. This
essay has identified that most athletes require to be outperformed in their event as a possible cause for this
issue and regular test
to be introduced to check the Fix the agreement mistake
tests
sports
people prior to commencing the competition as a solution.
To begin
, across the globe
many Add a comma
globe,
sports
people often want to be outstanding in their matches. Because They would be offered a huge monetary value as the price of the event and would be world famous
within a second without spending a dollar. Add a hyphen
world-famous
Consequently
, they would be able to ensure their future income sustainability by signing many commercial advertisement projects. For instance
, Ronaldo is the
world-famous football player whose majority of Correct article usage
a
income
reflects advertisements rather than prize-winning in matches able to sustain his future income by being outstanding.
Correct pronoun usage
their income
his income
her income
On the other hand
, a possible solution for this
is introducing a new medical test before their match begins. Hence
, this
will assist the sports
committee in identifying the players who would violate the rules before the match commences and punish players if they are proven guilty of an offence and the punishment should be more severe than normal breach of sports
laws. Accordingly
, this
illegal substance use can be irradicated from the world sport.
To conclude
, at present athletes have been using illegal substances to win their matches as it helps to maximize their wealth. However
, it is mandatory to introduce a new medical test before the event starts to identify the culprits and punish them in a significant manner.Submitted by aravindasajith on
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You might want to elaborate more on specific examples and perhaps bring in some data or studies relevant to the topic to make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Some parts of your essay are not entirely clear, such as the phrase 'sportsmen who utilize banned substances to increase their performance in majority of professional sports.' Consider rephrasing this for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting your points more smoothly. For example, use transition phrases between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
You have a firm structure, with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps in creating a comprehensive essay.
task achievement
Your ideas are aligned with the prompt, keeping the discussion relevant throughout.
task achievement
You address both the causes and solutions effectively, highlighting the primary issue and offering plausible remedies.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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