IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that technology has made our lives simpler and more convenient. Others argue that it has made us more isolated and dependent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #technology #lives
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We live in an age where some individuals believe that innovation has made our lives easier and more suitable,
while
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 others argue that it has made
people
Use synonyms
less-social
Correct your spelling
less social
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 and defenseless.
Although
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 technology brings new inventions to
people
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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it has
major
Add an article
a major
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 impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social connections. I will discuss both of these views and will support my opinion with arguments in the essay below.
Firstly
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, in previous decades,
people
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 are indeed difficult than nowadays.
For example
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, in previous centuries,
womens
Correct your spelling
women
women's
wash
Wrong verb form
washed
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the
Change the word
their
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 clothes
by
Change preposition
with
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 their hands near the bank of the river rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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washing machines which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 currently
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 as
the
Correct article usage
a
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 necessity of
life
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. Another notable example is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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telecommunication, in the past, the telegram
is
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was
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 not a bed of roses.
People
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 have to wait a
days
Correct quantifier usage
few days
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 but
also
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 sometimes months to receive the answer
of
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to
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 their telegram, But, now
people
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 get their reply in a few seconds.
Secondly
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, online working and freelancing have
becoming
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become
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 common
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days.
For instance
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,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
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 jobs and businesses are remote,
people
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 do not have to interact with other
people
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, which makes them socially distant and isolated.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 thing applies to every age of person.
For example
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, students are taking lectures online, doing presentations on laptops and
research
Wrong verb form
researching
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 on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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instead
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 of
group
Add a missing verb
doing group
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 projects or
combine
Wrong verb form
combining
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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 with their classmates.
Moreover
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,
this
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 attitude makes them less confident and
lacks
Correct subject-verb agreement
lack
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their
Change the word
the
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 ability to interact with various kinds of human beings.
Additionally
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, in their professional careers, they have to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication skills. In conclusion, innovation has made our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 easier in terms of electrical appliances or connecting with other individuals.
On the other hand
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, excessive use of technology
have
Change the verb form
has
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 made us alone and
disconnect
Wrong verb form
disconnected
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 us from social
life
Use synonyms
.
This
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affect
Change the verb form
affects
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 not only
job related
Add a hyphen
job-related
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 but
also
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 young students.
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coherence
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas. Sometimes, the transitions between points are not very smooth, making it slightly difficult to follow the argument.
task achievement
Try to support your main points with more detailed and specific examples. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
clear writing
Avoid using repetitive or vague phrases. Be more precise and concise in your writing to enhance clarity.
content
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views and presents a clear opinion.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
There is a good use of examples to support the main points, making the essay more relatable and understandable.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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