IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the causes. Whay can be done to solve this problem

#animals #verge #extinction #list #whay
Nowadays, more wild
animals
 are becoming less. There are so many reasons to make
this situations
Change the determiner
this situation
these situations
show examples
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 human
factors
 and natural
factors
. But there are
also
 some ways to reduce the problems. For human
factors
, some
people
 do not have the
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about protecting wild
animals
 or they want to use wild
animals
 to make profits,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 they kill sharks to make food, using crocodiles' skin to
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 bags. When
people
tried
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 these ways to make
a big profits
Correct the article-noun agreement
a big profit
big profits
show examples
, they will continue as these are good for themselves. To solve the problem, the government should strengthen law enforcement and increase the criminal law.
This
 can make
people
scary
Replace the word
scared
show examples
 and
reduce
Verb problem
cause
show examples
people
 to break the law.
Also
, the government should have more disseminates whatever at
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 or community to make all
people
 have
sense
Add an article
the sense
show examples
 not to agree with using or eating the products which are made by endangered
animals
 and all
people
also
 have the
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 to protect all
animals
. For natural
factors
, some
animals
 only have
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 days to multiply their babies in a year,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 pandas.
This
 makes the amount of those
animals
 are too less or even becoming endangered. To make sure those pandas will not be endangered,
people
 can help some.
People
 can do
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 about those
animals
' habits and properties and when it is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time for the
animals
 to multiply,
people
 can put a male animal and
female
Correct article usage
a female
show examples
 animal together and let them continue to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
multiply. Or
people
 can make
artifical
Correct your spelling
artificial
conception
Fix the agreement mistake
conceptions
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
animals
 to make sure trying to help those
animals
 not to be endangered. Wild
animals
 are
also
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
friends with
people
.
People
sould
Correct your spelling
should
could
 protect them and learn to live with them.
Eveyone
Correct your spelling
Everyone
 should
also
 do
this
 with no
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to expand on your examples with more detailed and relevant information to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Check for basic grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and solutions, covering human and natural factors comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: